The Partitioning Wars

The reason, oh so long ago, I messed up a Vista installation is that Vista's new NTFS partition, stupidly still called the NTFS partition and being detected as an NTFS partition, despite the dangers of treating it as such, is incompatible with every re-sizing tool in Linux (at the time). Actually, the only re-sizing tool it can use is the Microsoft re-sizer, which is a program under start in Windows. Little alarm-bells going off? They should be. Apparently, not only is it possible to Live re-size an NTFS, it is actually the only way. People who know much about computers ought to feel a little ill now. So, using a Linux re-sizer to resize a windows partition breaks the OS. Wow, Linux might loose this battle if the Windows resizer is capable of dealing with EXT3 partitions...

Well it's not! Not only is it not capable of resizing them, starting the magical online windows re-sizer actually breaks EXT3s, and likely most other non-microshaft formats. No, not when you do anything, just STARTING THE PROGRAM UP, breaks them (It's trying to work out the partition format that does it, in case you were wondering.) This is one more reason to hate Windows, in addition to the one earlier this paragraph .

Linux wins again! 2048-Nil!

I'm so nice.

I'm getting a little sick of people assuming I can't be nice. I know I'm not always nice, and I can, if I choose be really, really unpleasant. (I'm incapable of being handed something without saying thankyou, though. It's hard coded. If a dude took my handbag... wait, I never carry a handbag... if a dude snatched my trousers and took my wallet out, thrust the rest into my hands muttering something about not wanting my Vaseline and V220, I would say thankyou. And I'd mean it.)

I had one conversation over the phone I wish I had recoded so I could play it, at length to anyone who ever had the audacity to tell me to "be nice". Basically, when I got my new computer (Big mistake: if you start with the Whirlwind, I recommend upgrading your existing computer. Start with transistors, Valves are so old-fashioned.) Anyway, I ordered my computer from Dell (Shut up, it wasn't my choice!) It came with Vista (Nothing I could do) and Having never used Vista before, and having not received a manual, or a warning sticker, or anything, I was unaware that the partitioning system on Vista was designed by a four year old who had never used a computer more calculated than a slide-rule. While installing Linux I messed up the partition system for a reason I will discuss later. As Dell had not included an install disc, I had to call customer care support. Now, while fledgling Customer Support workers constantly fear being called by someone fantastically computer-illiterate (thinks their OS is MSWord), I have an eternal fear of being forced to ask for tech support from someone fantastically computer illiterate (uses Windows at home and considers this acceptable behavior). Or, possibly generally stupid, incapable, of say, understanding there are two flights of stairs and 8 layers of wood between my phone and computer. By the time I had to make the call I was practically chanting "It's just customer care support." I won't go into the hassle of just getting to the people. No, I will. I decided as I was at HOME using my computer for recreational purposes, was not of working age and my computer would never, likely, be used by any kind of profit-making organization, I was a home user. So, logically, I phone Home care support. I had just explained my problem to the dude on the line and was about to say that it really wasn't important if he couldn't understand how I over-wrote windows, when he transfered me to Small Business Care Support. Apparently "Home" means "idiot". I was fairly sure that I knew more about computers than most Customer Care supporters, so had they labeled the number "novice" support, I'd have slightly more respect for dell. I was somewhat relieved, as I couldn't understand a word the nice Iranian man said. After a ten-minute wait, I got to my sweet Indian Small Business Care Supporter. She told me her name, it was quite long. I was not here for friendly conversation, but I wrote most of it down in case it was useful. I used a little diplomacy. Dell doesn't usually package discs, so instead of explaining why I needed one, I left out most of my explanation and merely pretended I thought it was an oversight. I had a sneaky suspicion if I mentioned Linux again, I would be transfered to Large Business CCS, and I had already formed what was so far my most deep and meaningful female relationship ever with this woman. I find it annoying when people refer to discs with a capacity exceeding a gigabyte as compact discs, so I was asking for "The Windows Vista DVDs for Home Premium 32bit." Adorably, Dell does not require it's Customer Care Supporters to have so much as a GCSE in IT, and the woman didn't know what a DVD was. I was so fucking polite. Every bit of me wanted to go "So, you know fuck all about computers? Nice. a DVD is a bit of plastic with some binary and shit on it. Please send me one. Now. Whore." (Obviously I would never, ever speak to anyone like that unless they were unpleasant to me - mere stupidity/ignorance does not merit such rudeness.) I was impressed that I kept my tone level. I still have morals so I refused to say "it's a bit like a CD" as I knew I would have to. Instead I merely said "A Digital Versatile Disc" clearly. Most people, even vaguely computer literate ones wouldn't recognize that as a DVD, but the word Disc meant something to her. "Is that a bit like a CD?" she asked. I was finding it hard to avoid laughing, so I didn't. I excused myself briefly and laughed harder than had in months. Then I came back and said that, yes, it was very like a CD. I refrained from patronizing use of the word "big" or confusing use of the word "dense". It's the politest I've ever been.

The poor dear sent me the Home Basic version of the OS, but, hell.

Dell SUCK. In so many ways I can't even describe them. For a start, shipping a computer with no Serial or IDE ports and only 6 USB ports. six .As in, less than the number of USB devices I can hold in one hand. That's Four less than the number of USB devices I have within arms reach. Once the static input devices are plugged in, I have a number of free USB ports than the average of USB devices I carry with me! by definition, the Universal Serial Bus is something you need as many of as you can possibly conceive owning. (I carry an MP3 players with me, a Pen disc around my neck, one in a pocket and a Digital camera. My static input devices are a Tablet, a Keyboard, a scanner/printer, a game-pad and a mouse. In order of importance. I have an external HD and a Blutooth dongle. I make that 12. In my hand, I could get both my MP3 players, two pen-discs, a dongle and my camera cable. Balanced on my tablet, OR nested in my Game-pad, possibly both.)

Sick of irational cencorship.

Here are the things I think should be censored on tv.

These words should be beeped whenever the producer feels like it:

1. Shit
2. Piss
3. Cunt
4. Fuck

(In case you're wondering, I settled on that order because sex is good, and vaginas are nice, but wee is not a great talking point and I most definitely do not want to hear anything about poop.)

What should not be censored? Well, for a start, what is with fuzzing out mouthes when they swear? WTF? Yes, because there are little children who will use their leet lip-readery to re-construct the word. Nope. The only way a child will recognize the swearing is if they already know the word. And then what? Were you hoping your child thinks the beep means someone said kitty? No. Almost every child knows all the swear words, and most children are clever enough to work out which word it was. I advocate beeping those words primarily for the following reason: They annoy the crap out of me. They make my well-educated, swear-proof soul jolt. Swear words are pure lazy. I'll explain this later.

The other thing that I saw irrationally censored, is the putting the middle finger up. Why would people care about that? Again, if your child doesn't know this, they will find it our later anyway. Bleeping swear-words is fair enough, because if you hear lots of swearing the words just start to slip out of you. Anyone accidentally stick their middle finger up at someone? No. Ever accidentally sworn? I have. Daily since I got into secondary school, there are just so MANY curses, they seep into your skull and inundate your brain with the refracted slime of deliquencey. (translation: fuck your brain). And get this. It was on the simple life. As if a child watching the simple life could be spoiled (I was watching it because I wanted to flak Paris.) A better way to deal with the rudeness would be to take that repetitive, constructed and painfully stupid program (shit) of the television and put the pair of plastic, malformed, lazy retards (cunts) out of a job. And, on the other hand, I don;t give a dyspeptic hake (fuck) if your children learn to flip people off. If your child flips people off, it's because s/he's a insolent little brat (bitch) who will continue to be so until you parent her/im properly. (Seeing Paris Hilton flip people off is not going to encourage your child to be rude of your child is a nice child)

If you haven't got why swear words are lazy yet, it's because I went through my post and replaced the swear words with what I really wanted them to mean. It left me with something more articulate, meaningful and interesting than the same post with cliche'd combinations of curse-words. I'm glad you understand. Can I swear now?

One thing said, Paris (or it might have been Nicole, let's face it, they're too similar for it to matter) had a point: The little girls wearing makeup deserve to be treated as adults. Their parents are turning them into little bitch-whores anyway How can they complain? I had a momentary* surge of respect for Paricole, until I realized she said it to get her ass off the fire. Then I put her back to pond-slime. Inarticulate, poorly educated, relatively ugly and trashy pond slime, that is.
*really, quite momentary, about three jiffies

So, V has been talking about disciplining children, anyway. She has something interesting to say about it, clearly. For my part, I'm going to criticize her example of breaking a vase. Don't, DON'T have a go at your child for anything they do by accident. (If it is an accident, and not an accident caused by the violation of another rule, e.g. "no football in the house", "do not test the breaking heights of my china".) What are you teaching your child if you do that? Nothing! What are they supposed to do? Not make any more mistakes? Stop being clumsy? All you'll do is make your child a nervous person who believes they're worthless and will be punished whatever they do. Case in point: Whenever I break stuff, I cry. Utterly without exception. If I break something, I burst into tears and continue to cry for a few minutes. It is almost my only ambition to live in a house with entirely plastic cups and plates I don't like very much. Next bear in mind the fact I feel uncomfortable eating or drinking from plastic. (If I've backed out of eating your house, it's likely because you served it on plastic. I can't eat off opaque/translucent/thick/scratched plastic. That or the food wasn't the right colour, or had sauce on it, or .. actually, there are countless reasons. There, I hope you enjoyed that poke at my soft underbelly. Also, the later-part of the composite noun in that sentence actually makes my skin crawl. And there is a number I can't say. And I don't like even numbers. I'm going to stop now.

Why do people MAKE these languages?

Or even write them! I'm presuming it take upwards of 60 minutes to make a programming language from scratch. Why do people waste an hour or more of their time making programming language that fall into the following categories?

• Interpreted Programming Languages. There is no practical use for interpreted languages, (apart from online markups). These languages are produced on mass by programmers who think the theoretical being able to use their amazingly powerful programming language as a calculator is more important that being able to use their amazingly powerful programming language to make programs people can use. These languages are subsequently used by programmers who think that their program is cool enough for people to download the interpreter, install the interpreter and launch their program from the interpreter, to make programs so trivial it doesn't matter that interpreted languages are slower that treacle, which are used exclusively by Linux users who can type python -fuku shitprogram.py in their sleep.
• Case-Sensitive Languages. While being case sensitivity is not quite enough to ruin a language, it's close. These languages are designed to be use in projects utilizing so many variables you run out of letter combinations and are forced to differentiate through capitalization, by programmers who are so fantastically talented they never capitalize incorrectly.
• Programming languages not utilizing print keyword. People have been typing print since it actually printed. We will continue typing print. If that means not using your language... guess what?
• Programming languages with a riddddddiculous amount of keywords. If you have a separate print command just to append a line feed, this is probably you.
• Programming languages that compile to byte-code. The advantage to compilation is people don;t need an interpreter, it's faster and source protection. The advantage of interpretation is interpretation (some people like that). The advantages of byte-code are slowness, no-one can access your source, only people dedicated to you enough to download a compiler will use your program. Oh, wait, those aren't advantages. Well, then, I guess you suck, byte-code.
• Programming languages without a manual. These exist! I figure, for every language there must be a manual. Nothing hardcore; one page, all of the keywords, what they do. It would take like, at most one eightieth of the time it took to make the language. But no, some dumbfuck goes and writes a language, puts it on the net and waits for it's users to write a manual for it. Which would be fine, if it were also physically possible. What do you expect us to do? Type random ass words in, compile and test? No, what we're going to do is use C. Piss off. It would also be nice if the manual didn't require a masters first doctorate in Computer Science to understand.
• Non-portable languages. At least Linux and Windows. Windows users are the majority, and Linux users represent the portion of the community that deserve computers. (Unix variants, anyway). Both Haiku users are too used to stuff not working for them to complain anyway.

There are probably more, but I can't think of any right now. Basically, I don;t like C and her dirty sisters much. I can't use C++, because apparently, I need a makefile in order to compile the following program:

#include <iostream>

int main()
{
std::cout << "Hello World!" << std::endl;
return 0;
}

Despite having about four books on C++ at my disposal, I have not found the word "makefile" among them. I can't find makefile tutorials on the internet. It also turns out that despite having four C++ compilers installed, the file "iostream" isn't on my computer. Or the internet. What I want more than anything, right now is No More C. In order to escape C, someone has to make another programming language. Somehow, people haven't done this. I've waited and waited, but No. People waste time that could be spent replacing C making pointless crap languages like Liberty Basic (no rand function, useless), Python and Ruby. Java. Think of a use for Java. No, I couldn't either. I've seen one program in Java that did something of worth, and it was KOLMafia. I think that proves my point. Art of Illusion? If you were made in any other language, you'd be a real program!

To be fair, no language can out useless Liberty Basic. It is interpreted, Case-Sensitive, has no Randomizer, and you have to pay for the interpreter. Think about that for a second. Paying for a compiler is fair enough. Paying for an INTERPRETER? Great. Liberty Basic programs are useless, except to people stupid enough to pay for liberty basic. And then just useless.

(Okay, maybe Liberty Basic isn't useless, that was harsh. It is easily the least practical language I have ever used.)

and I'm allive because...

I read the wiki article on suicide methods, and all of them fall into the following catagories:

• I'm to scared to do it
• It's so likely to fail through my incompetence
• I don;t have the necessary resources
• I'm not clever enough to do it.

And, this is why I'm still alive.

Crochet, a description.

I finally found a suitable analogy for crochet. This will eternally be used to explain why I like crochet, and what I hate about it. Most of my friends will understand this. For those that don't I still have my old fall-back: "It's like knitting with a toothbrush".

Knitting is like programming probably using like, Python or Ruby (except that you don't leave the needles in your knitting).

Crochet is like programming in whitespace. More ways than you can imagine. You can't see what you're doing, but it doesn't really matter, the best you can hope to make is a mess. Being blind is /not a handicap/ in crochet.

Weaving is like programming in C_, I guess. It takes ages to get anywhere, but what you're left with it quite pretty and functional.

Brainfuck, or possibly Java is probably akin to felting, in that you take a load of shit and whatever you end up with is entirely not your fault, as it's impossible to actually come up with an intentional result.

Macramé is HTML. You can't possibly hope to make anything more exciting, dynamic or useful than the piece of string you started with.

Sewing? You're Visual Basic/GML. It took you 30 seconds to make that dress, but people are still impressed that you did it.

Sorry, but LaTeX is getting dyecraft. Tie-dying, is like the Brain-fuck equivalent of markups. There must be one! (If there isn't, I'm going to use my extensive knowledge of C++ to complain extensively about it in forums. Ha, the only thing I know about C is that it's a figment of your imagination, impossible, and shit. And the keywords and most of the syntax.)

One day I'm going to find a language I hate enough to consider it equivalent to carving your clothes out of Rock.

Sorry, I couldn't think of an analogy for Haskell. It might be close to wearing fur though. Gotta say, I know nothing about either of them. Except the syntax and most of the keywords.

Clean Mint!

My toothpaste states it's flavour as "Clean Mint". The Dyspraxic AS kid in me finds this confusing. To my best efforts I was unable to find a toothpaste with ingredients akin to "Unwashed mint leaves", "Slug" or "Some mud".