Obssession Red

A Level Grades, New Laptop

2010-08-25T15:05:00.002Z

I got

A in Computing
B in Physics
C in Maths

In my A Level GCEs.

I then bought myself a rewarding laptop. This was incredibly difficult, because apparently, many stores stock not only some Intel laptops, but PRIMARILY Intel laptops. Um. Hello? If they stock them, people MUST be buying them, and I would like a formal explanation of this behavior and an APOLOGY. What does it take for people to boycott computer related companies? I mean, no-one still buys anything by Nestle do they? Oh, wait, I still see that in shops, so maybe you do.

You can apologize directly to the dead children for that.

There, I made a comic. Go me.

2009-12-13T18:07:00.000Z

Fuckin' emotions and shit

2009-12-06T01:54:00.003Z

well, I've just come off my anti-depressants and I'm experiencing emotions I only vaguely knew of. So far I've been able to recognize arousal and regret but wikipedia was not very forthcoming on the rest.

Anyone got any suggested names for the emotions I get when Linux won't read something and I boot into windows and windows is STILL shit so I boot back into linux and then it doesn't work and in attempting to fix it I find 3 other things that don't work. So far I'm referring to it as "Fucking why can't they make the fucking release cycle longer on this piece of shit ARGH!"

Wave Mint.

2009-12-04T07:33:00.002Z

Wave is really good. There are plenty of things wrong with it, sure, but, uh, live beta. If there was nothing wrong with it that would be what was wrong with it. On the other hand I cannot wait until I can totally use it for everything - pretty quickly, updating this blog.

I'm dowloading Mint Hellena. Hope to install it tonight, or something, see if I can't break a load of things on my computer again. yay.

dpkg-reconfigure xserver-xorg?

2009-12-03T12:20:00.004Z

It's actually been so long since I had to do that that I don't remember what it does. I should change at least one of my taglines. I did try "sudo shutdown -r -m 160" recently but it sort of messed up. I miss shell commands. I sort of miss caring about my computer slightly. Now my graphics card isn't supported again and I never use my tablet and I can't get my drives to mount and I never even use my computer and spend all my time reading and going on holidays full of fresh air every other weekend my computer can pretty much suck all it likes

Might install Mint this weekend. Only cause I love the name Helena though. Mmm, Helena. It makes me think of Helena Bonham Cater, Mirrormask, Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer, Amanda Palmer's breasts, some other breasts, Coffee....

Today I was horrified to be unable to access my own website, the domain had expired and I was all annoyed because I hadn't been told. I opened my googlemail and found hundreds of new mails. "Gamespot Daily Newsletter", "Wave Invite", "Your domain expires next month", "your domain expires this month", "your domain expires this week", "your domain expires in 3 days", "your domain expires tomorrow", "your domain has expired", "please renew your domain".... Hrm. I'm starting to think I should check my e-mail. Nah.

When I finally got onto my site I was re-horrified to find I updated it a year and one month ago. That means I have not updated my site since I last updated the domain. Waste of money. Next year I will not renew the domain so get used to hideous free subdomains! I hope to renew my site immediately after christmas when I get my christmas present. Even if it's a sock full of Clementines instead of what I asked for. Christmas presents get on my nerves.

I wonder if there's some way to make internet banking less tedious, uncomfortable, difficult and dangerous than fucking a poisonous snake? I'm forced to assume not. That or Natwest are just asshats. Actually, it's almost certainly both.

Eden Log

2008-11-16T19:48:00.003Z

Have you ever lay in bed, with the lights totally off, and just sat and though? Have you ever, later that night, been surprised that even though you were doing nothing, for at least a brief period, sensory deprivation was not boring, because you could at least have interesting thoughts? Eden Log is the exact opposite. Despite the fact that you're watching a film, and the film is about something that if you merely described it would seem really interesting, you are so bored you actually start wishing you were watching a home video of an old woman washing dishes. It is actually more boring than the Mothman Prophecies. This is a level of borring you cannot describe. When I was young, in Religious Education I was asked to compile a list of advice I might give to an unborn child about life. It seems to me now that none of the things I wrote is so important that I wouldn't replace them with "don't watch Eden Log".

The film is so poorly shot I didn't notice it was in Black and White. Seriously. For nearly ten minutes at the beginning of the film you watch this dude crawling out of a freezing pit of mud, slowly and laboriously toward some seriously funky disco lighting. I jokingly turned to the person I was watching the film with and said "Heh, I hope it's not all like this". It was. Imagine an old crippled woman with arthritis and only one leg, which is broken, trying to get out of a chair. Now imagine it in poor lighting conditions. And when I say poor I mean SUPER poor. So poor it doesn't even occur to you it's black and white. Now, most of the time when people say black and white, they mean including intermediary shades of gray. I don't. They say, on the back that the film uses stunning special effects. I think this is true. The special effects are truly breathtaking. SO great, I tried to apply a similar special effect to a photograph of a couple of my friends playing on a tractor farm taken on holiday in Ireland. Included. Impressed?

Well I'm not joking. a lot of the time I got the impression something was happening. Now, this film is actually a dub (originally French). Thankfully the dubbing is very tasteful. Well, actually, there's almost no dialogue, so there's not a lot that could go wrong. On one hand I think if you just watched the film in French, it would be just as good. Most of the stuff which is said makes not a smidgen of sense. Also, where you to close your eyes, the film would not be ruined. When there IS light, the camera is not pointed at the stuff I got the impression must be happening. If I knew what was going on, it was from the screams, moans or breathing.

I cannot emphasize this enough- this is the single worst film I have ever seen. It's not one of those films that makes more sense at the end. Believe me, when the stupid cold dude climbs out of the pool and finally gets the light to stop blinking, it's as illuminated as you will ever be. Metaphorically and literally. You might want to watch this just to see that I am not exadurating. A lot of the time you feel like you have genuinely really missed something important. Like when the main character, who has been effectively totally alone the entire film, disoriented walking though this odd compound in which you can only assume virtually everyone is dead, walks into a room, listens to six second recording and then wanders out wearing a uniform and joins the rest of his squadron (who refer to him as sir) to go and fight some monsters, hethen takes off all his clothes absorbs-a-tree-into-his-stomach-causing-it-to-grow-massive-until-the-camera-pans-out-and-you-see-a-city-which-was-never-so-much-as-alluded-to-suddenly-submit-to-a-massive-sweeping-power-cut, which he seems oddly nonchalant about. Then credits. Damn, I might have just given the ending away. Sorry.

GCSE results.

2008-08-21T12:59:00.002Z

English Literature: C
English Language: B
Maths: A
Art: A
German: A
History: A
RE: A
Science: A*
Science2: A*

ICT results are still being finalized, but I anticipate 3 Us.

The Wole Russia Georgia confict proves one point adequately...

2008-08-16T00:12:00.003Z

America, and to a lesser extent, everyone else, are fucking stupid. (Also, forgive me if my understanding of these events is warped)

Here's how this should have worked out:
Russia: What the fuck does Georgia think it's doing, invading the sovereign nation of South Osettia? Fuck that, we'll teach those bastards a lesson!
America: What the fuck does Russia think it's doing, invading the sovereign nation of Georgia?
Russia: Uh. they invaded South Osettia first.
America: Isn't that none of your business?
Russia: Well, there are Russian citizens there, and also, who else is going to bomb Tiblisi? Let's face it, no-one gives a crap about Georgia.
America: Point. Go on, fuck Georgia.
NATO: Yeah, go Russia. Man, I'm so glad we hadn't already accepted them into NATO, otherwise Georgia would be free to pick on all the little countries without fear of reprisal. Heh, thanks Russia. Actually, would you like to be in NATO?
Russia: No.

Here's how it did:
Russia: What the fuck does Georgia think it's doing, invading the sovereign nation of South Osettia? Fuck that, we'll teach those bastards a lesson!
America: What the fuck does Russia think it's doing, invading the sovereign nation of Georgia?
Russia: Uh. they invaded South Osettia first.
America: Yeah, but oil and alliance and if we're friends it doesn;t matter if they do bad things for no good reason, bleught.
Russia: I know, like we're Russia, but, don;t you think that's a bit immoral?
America: Heee, we're Christians.
Russia: Sorry, what?
America: Look! Rabit! My mummy says I'm thpecthial.
Russia: You're retarded, aren't you?
America: Doctor said retarded, but my mummy says I'm just speshul. Special is good.
Russia: .... Ow. I am so glad you're too stupid to maneuver your military with any grace.
England: Our news coverage is inexplicably biased really badly against you, Russia.
Russia: Great. Even ENGLAND is going stupid.

So there's a super quick breakdown of the "Conflict in the Caucauses". I apologise for no doubt spelling Ossetia and/or caucauses incorrectly. It's really difficult to work out what's going on in reality, as basically, the News here consists of showing some brief footage of Russian tanks burning children and practicing witchcraft, zooming right in on bullet holes in their trucks, then cutting to some hideous woman (Condo-sleaza or something) saying "Russia Is Bad". Then footage of the Georgian President saying "Russia is Evil. And Bad. But mainly Evil. Yeah.". Basically, the British media have got around the restrictions against them giving an opinion by ONLY showing other people giving a certain opinion with out any sort of balance, apart from that one Russian woman, who spoke very poor English.

The other amusing bit of news conference went as such (I was pretty tired and don't remember the details):
Newsreader: "David Cameron says [worthless opinion]. What do you think about that, slow Russian Man of no visible authority?"
SRMNVA: "No-one thinks that. I mean, no-one who knows what they're talking about, actually thinks that. That's nonsense."

An attitude toward Mr. Cameron that a lot more English voters need to adopt. Quickly.

FF10 should be discounted.

2008-06-27T22:09:00.002Z

Final Fantasy 10.

My quibbles on Final Fantasy 10 have gone, so far, largely unspoken, but I've found an audience of one, s I'll write them all out now. I want ti to be known that, far from completing this game, I actually got nowhere with it. As I have completed, and i want to make this absolutely clear: four times as many final fantasy games than NON final fantasy games SO FAR, it takes a LOT of shittiness to make me give up on a final fantasy as quickly as I did 10. If you want to know how far i got, I can't really give you an analogy. I'm on disc three of FF8, and I'm in Nibelheim in Crisis Core. I have NO IDEA where in hell I am in FF10. Okay: I got to the bit where Wakka (yeah... Wakka? I can't even be bothered to complain about THAT name) briefly suggests that as Rikku (ditto) is a priest or something, my chances of getting into her kekks without playing more of this game than was worth it where zero. Then I pretty much lost interest.

I raised my first eye-brow ten minutes into the game. I hadn't moved. Presuming this was my fault, I pressed every button on my controller 14 times. This is quite a feat, as a PS2 controller has too many buttons to start with. (Please note too many is the right amount of buttons). Nope, nothing happened. I'll never know what it was, but somehow the game progressed from what I can only assume was a ten-minute cinematc of all the characters sitting on the top of a cliff picking their nails and humming Nobuo Uematsu's hot new trax. Disgusted as I already was, It Got Worse. Apparently I had to decide if I wanted to use the COMPLICATED version of the whole Sphere Grid Leveling Up System, or the "WHAT THE FUCK!???" version of the Sphere tessellation game. (For those who are not mathematically minded, Spheres don't tessellate. Ever.)

I decided to play it safe and go with the simplified version. Now, I don't know what the fuck Square was thinking at this point. I really liked the difficulty thing in Dirge of Cerberus. It is worth as much as two maybe three play-throughs to get a lot of items in hard mode and level up every possible gun to ridiculous levels so you can shoot the crap out of all the easy level-1 monsters at the begging of the game in an immensely unsatisfying and actually kind of dull way. Did Square somehow thing I would REPLAY a Final Fantasy RPG? No. No-one could expect I would replay a game which is mostly story with some repetitive combat for anything but nostalgia and dementia. That would just be stupid. That being said, I'm pretty glad I chose the simplified Sphere grid. Primarily because even the simplified sphere grid was, and I hasten to add this: not so much that it was too complicated for me to understand, but more... it was boring. I didn't want to spend days with a print-out map of the sphere grid theorizing my root across the imaginary plains of my character's sub-concious. I wanted to mash some repetitive drivelous creature's faces in, and enjoy some plot line rendered with real in-game "facial expressions" and voice acting. Yes, finally, I would, with my copy of "The Asperger's Syndrome Guide to Facial Expression" (not a real book, sadly) be able to truly understand how the characters really felt about the wound in their side, the hot chick immediately in front of them or the fact they just got the arses saved by some old guy with a crippled limb. Woo. Hoo. But, back t the sphere gird: Here's my proposed leveling up system: There are certain groups of skills, and in each group the skills get progressively more awesome further up the group, but in order to unlock these awesome skills, you need the preceding ones, so if you specialize in one or two schools of skillage, you get powerful stuff at the end, but if you dither from school to school, you get a diverse character. And you know what? All games should use this system. It's great. Some acceptable alternatives include the skill systems from every other final fantasy game I've played. They're all good. I shouldn't have to think that much just to level up.

The combat system. This is where the game fell down even father, although not as far as the previous suckzorz. I presume that the people at Square Enix had a board meeting, and they thought "You know what? ATB is totally revolutionary. There is pretty much nothing comparable, which is good, because it's innovative and works, but you wouldn't want it in all your games. That being said, it is very playable. Let's fuck it up, and use a combat system which is great, but not as interesting!". It could have been worse. He could have said "Let's crap the Final Fantasy Genere by producing a game with a combat system no-one likes!". As it is, they didn't do that until 12.

I'd also like to suggest the following improvement to the voice acting of Final Fatnasy 10: No voice acting. That would have been awesome. There are also two laternatives to this which I have not mentioned: 1) The game was voice-acted by cats. How cool would that be? Fairly cool. but also, quite random. 2) The game was voice-acted in Japanese with English Subtitles. I ruled that one out, because there has to be a reason for it not to have happened. So far, in my life, I have not met a person who said "I'm really glad they dubbed that game poorly." Talking over every immanent Square Release I have heard the EXACT same conversation every time.

I hope they have left Japanese Audio.
Yeah, that would be so awesome.
The bastards MUST have learned their lesson by now. EVERYONE wants it to be in Japanese. Basically they are INCREASING costs to DECREASE customer satisfaction. It will be in Japanese.
I hope you're right.

I wait, patiently, for someone to come in and say "Though, I actually want it in English, I don't want to have to read.". So far, It's never happened. And yet, every game is dubbed badly. 3) English dub that isn't annoying. Technology newly released immediately before the release of Crisis Core has made this finally possible. Now, it seems, the people responsible for dubbing games select people to do the voice acting based on criteria. Rather than, as was common at the time "had like, a voice". As I said, the technology is new, and cutting edge. It simply wasn't a possibility for 10. *Fingers crossed for Dissadia*

after making the same trite observations everyone else already has, I'm going to remind you of Mystic Quest. Mystic Quest sucked. So does 10. It's pretty much the same audience.... THICK PEOPLE. Square need to know their audience. Their audience: literate Anime Fangirls who have secret, deeply cut desires for homo-eroticism, Literate anime fan-boys who would hapilly turn a blind eye to some homo-eroticism in exchange for Tifa coming out of her top, or literate Anime Fangirls who have openly stated desires for homo-eroticism. An additionaly point is that your audience are people who play computer games. People who play computer games pretty much never like sport. Don't alienate the player by focusing on a sport-playing character. Also, agina guys with crippled limbs aren't particularly exciting to play.

Basically, Final Fantasy 10 plays SLOWLY. The same COULD be said of 9, as 9 has too many mini-games, to many non-battles and too many status effects, but 10 is crowned for it's slow gameplay. In general, in testing: watch people play. If they put their controller down, the cut-scene is too long. Cut-scenes are allowed to be too long at the end of each disc. Or if a major character dies. (Which should never happen anyway. Thankyou.)

So, here's the verdict: too many cutscenes, boring. Slow game-play, boring. Ridiculous character customization: Boring. No sound because almost everyone had to mute the TV to continue living: boring. Unlikely to get to sleep with Rikku: boring. Storyline that seemed to random to bother following, boring. You get the gist. It's just plain dull.

I'd like the opportunity to also review Final Fantasy 12. I've never played it because I've played Dirge of Cerberus, Star Ocean Till the End of Time, Crisis Core, Mystic Quest, Mystic Quest 2 and countless games that basically make the same conclusion: Square Enix should never make anything real time ever. I'd like to draw your attention to something my boyfriend say, after playing the game for a good while and taking time to really voice his opinion in what I, at least, think is a very frank, articulate and poignant summary of the game: "I just happened to notice, the wolf I was fighting had an actual arsehole. Don;t you think that's really cool? Look I'll show you: See. They actually bothered to give the animals real arseholes. Cool, huh?"

think that pretty much sums it up.

Hapfairy conversation

2008-06-22T18:58:00.002Z

M: It's been in Armand and now you don't want it back?
Sweet.
*puts some other things she wants in Armand*

D: I hope for his sake you didn't want my cactus and broken glass collection.

M: I didn't want your broken glass collection. *nods*.
Man, that's a SWEET pineapple....
Oooh! Massive pine cones!
Scissors!

D: *Calls a doctor*

M: That might be a good idea.
Y'know that doctor's kinda hot...
fantasmagorical, now you've just exacerbated the situation.
Meh, at least he's god a good view of the problem.

2008-06-16T15:32:00.000Z

One of the the communication problems I had with my mother is her consistent tenancy to see everything I said as pessimistic. A kind of pessimism itself, this made no sense to me. Apparently, If I said I had Asperger's Syndrome, I was being pessimistic. Personally, given that I was most definitely strangling people until they passed out without reason, having panic attacks in cafes and running away until I got lost and screaming and helpful passer's by, some reason is infinitely better than no reason. Doesn't matter if the reason was headcrabs, I would rather that not just be who I am. Partly, my mother thought if I could blame some "brain" thing, I would never try to get better. Boundless optimism. Fuck Asperger's Syndrome, I decided. There's not anything I can't do. Apart from sport. (Okay, maybe it wasn't BOUNDLESS optimism. Never bothered with a "Fuck Dyspraxia" attitude.)

There are plenty of thoughts that can be perceived as optimistic or pessimistic.

Webhost Rant

2008-05-30T21:13:00.002Z

I don't think anything on the internet annoys me more than web-hosts: they give you enough bandwidth to serve your storage limit somewhere around two, five or ten times. Who, in their right mind, pays for 5Gb of space EVERY MONTH and gets only two full-exploration hits. I think the entire hosting industry is ridiculous. Even the hosting plans you get free with an e-mail account/internet provider/advertising offer more storage than even a small e-commerce site would use. These companies pretend that there is any point in giving anyone 50gb of storage... but make a complete MOCKERY of it, when they calculate the bandwidth. No one, in the UNIVERSE would sit and download a 50gb page. Fucking hell, I won't download images over 500k. Why won't they just fucking admit it? "For 7 dollars a month you can have 50mb of space and "don't crash the server" bandwidth. In the INCREDIBLE event that isn't enough... set up your own fucking server!"

It worries me that hosting companies stay in business. HOW DO THEY DO IT? Who, I mean, who, ever, is willing to pay over a hundred quid a year for something they use a less than a tenth of? My site is 3 megabytes. Bear in mind, it consists mostly of images, (the stuff that takes up loads of space). It costs me... 3c a month in storage, plus bandwidth charges... which I haven't even encountered yet. I could not, with HOURS of searching, find a paid, legitimate looking, host where I could set up my site for less than 7 dollars. So, I sat, and did the math... three cents... seven dollars... three cents... Hrm. After some consideration, I went with Nearly Free Speech.

Well, this is sounding like a shameless advertisement for Nearly Free Speech. What the heck. Nearly Free Speech is awesome.

fucking hate google.

2008-05-29T22:21:00.002Z

I had to change my Google password, because blogger wouldn't sign in unless I provided the password I registered for an entire different service with. Apparently, my ULTRA AWESOME SECURE password was not secure enough for Google. Excuse me, but I think that Google needs to appreciate that password strength is not just in the characters. IT DOESN'T MATTER how long my password is. People brute forcing the password are not going to KNOW it's only X characters long, so it's going to take the same ammount of THEORETICAL time to crack. Most likely, a lot more than one would ordinarilly be happy to spend cracking an E-mail address, which, I will tell you for free, recieves nothing on a regular basis but the Gamespot Daily Newsletter. The most important thing is that no-one can sit down, type in my email and then go:

"Well, she likes final fantasy.... maybe her password is 'sephiroth'. Okay, maybe it's 'Sephiroth'. Great, now I can read her e-mails. OMFG, Crisis Core is no longer in the top ten GS games? It's not even OUT IN ENGLAND! This is ridiculous! The bastards! What are these ratings even based on?"

No, Sephiroth is not my password for ANYTHING. Don't even try.

Additionally, I find the password reset question comic. Anyone who knows where I was born, the name of my cat, or my mother's maiden name is apparently deserving of access to my "private" email. My password reset question is custom: Which of my Labia minora hangs lowest?" and don't try left or right. They have names. I'm kidding. But still, that's fairly secure.

Thankyou, Google. I will decide how important the privacy of the e-mail in my account is in relation to the amount of effort I am willing to expel typing it. None. My password is ilikefishes. It's memorable. Fucking hell, please don't hack the account, I'll have to /redirect my newsletters/.

Kidding, my blog's secured against the same password (Google, such awesome security: use the same password for two unrelated services, save hackers some time!).

I demand my rant!

2008-05-22T20:03:00.004Z

I'd just like to say, just in case anyone reads my blog (kidding, I know you don't) that my lack of posting more than three short paragraphs for a while is not unfounded. There's a lot going on. Approximately none of it is good. I'm not going into details, because they're not mine to give but the exams I'm failing are the /least/ distressing. Oh, acctually, one good thing did happen- I bought a book for 10p. As I;m sure you are aware by now, I have noted a strong negative correlation betweenmy enjoyment of a book, and it's price. God knows why. Even if I pay $10 for a book, if I see it in a publisher's outlet for £1.50 my esteem for it rises.

Bye now. I'll talk to you when every-one's sick notes have expired and babies have been confiscated. Oh, and I'm qualified.

The End of Mr Y

2008-05-22T10:24:00.003Z

I finished the End Of Mr. Y. I cried. It is worth mentioning that I do not usually cry when I've finished a book. I feel desolate, Inconsolable, but I do not usually cry. And it's not because the end is sad. It was what I was hoping would happen.

I'm learning ancient Greek. I suspect I will give up very quickly. It's not like I'm fluent in Russian. If I can read (I used to be able to read Greek, it's how I picked Cyrillic up so quickly) and say some simple invocations, I'll be satisfied. I guess "Hi, how's tricks" is an invocation. I think Artemis would be at least non-offended by that. So long as it was in Greek.

Anything's got to be better than invoking a God using only their name and trying to express your desire in thought an pictures. Why did I have to pick Gods that don't speak English?

Science, Religion.

2008-05-19T19:56:00.005Z

I've been reading "the End of Mr. Y"*. It's a fantastic book, highly recommended. It's like a breeding-ground for new ideas. I've decided the difference between science and religion is only one: Science moves. To put it in a more punchy format: When people perceive something inconsistent with their science, they change their science. When people perceive something inconsistent with their religion, they change their perceptions. That's why most religions are bullshit patronized by morons.

Obviously, that excludes Wicca from the "religion" bucket, and throws us into the "science" bucket, because Wicca is based on ever-changing, up-to-date theory.

* Scarlet Thomas. It's one of my much loved "Publishing Outlet bargain books". That is to say, it's unreadable pulp. ^_^.

Oh, and my maths exam went quite well.

New tagline.

2008-04-14T19:48:00.002Z

I changed it to a quote I found in one of my earlier blogposts I was reading partly to find the last time I talked about web design and partly because I have a very short attention span. I thought it was somewhat amusing and very exemplary. I briefly wrested with the thought of calling it "Lies! Lies and a synonym for lies!" Which I just yelled down the stairs at someone having what I deigned to be a deeply apocryphal telephone conversation, showing that my brain is too slow even to properly come up with a synonym for lies, but fast enough to throw in a token replacement.

I also realized that most of the things I say are as convoluted, ugly and incomprehensible as most of the source-code I find with the Generator header set at Frontpage. I take solice in the fact that is technically accurate most of the time, and has a lot more grace than Frontpage code, as does... everything.

Copywriting, the Bad.

2008-04-14T17:47:00.004Z

A previous post about web-page design in which I state the strengths of the AssaultCube website.

Do you want to see the worst site I've seen all day? "Cromm Cruac"

Let me give you an event horizon: I stumbled apon this site. I read all of the text. I rolled my eyes and pressed the stumble button. That's right, I left, immediately. Why? Because I felt disrespected by this site. Imagine I came up to you and said if you'd just like to get on this boat with me, we'd go on holiday together. I don't want to go alone, it'll only cost you your time. You'd probably like to know were we're going. You'd probably like to know how long for. I refuse to give you any indication. If I said a week in the Bahamas, you might come, if I said a month in Russia, you might come, where you say into Russian culture or looking to improve your grasp of Cyrillic languages (I am actually). If I'd said it was a cruise, I have no idea where exactly we'll go, but we should definitely be back sometime this year, you might come. Would you come if I totally refused to provide you with any information what so ever? Fuck no.

From reading this text I get the impression something will "happen" when I click the link. Something the orchestrator couldn't be bothered even to brief me on. I feel disrespected. I don't want to have to download some shitty flash animation if I don't want to watch/use it. Thus, I refuse to move on until someone tells me what it is, roughly.

I'm sure it's a crying shame. That random girl is so very sexually attractive, if she was here right now I would totally ask her nicely if she was a lesbian. Somehow, I get the impression whatever this site holds could well be totally great.

I guess I'll never know.

Kidding. Now I've spent half an hour writing and researching this post, I might as well watch the damn thing

Okay, I entered the site. It was NOT WORTH IT. I was unable to ascertain the purpose of the site. I think what it is, is someone had a stupid crack-taking egotistical slob of a friend who made some elaborately animated and confusing designed site as a joke while drunk. The friends fell out. The computer was hacked and the flash file taken by this estranged friend who posted it on the internet to make him look like a jerk. I can only guess. Alternatively, some stupid crack-taking egotistical slob might think they're being really clever by making a site that plays music to show how good they are at drawing really small, slowly downloading pictures of ugly naked girls. They might think they're clever making it impossible to save the pictures. ("Hur, now thay kant infrinj mi copirite. hur." Completely violates the purpose of the internet.) They might have even posted this design atrocity on the internet on purpose. All I can say is I haven't been so infuriated by the poor accessibility of a site since I went on a similarly unstructured site produced by Square Enix (who have never been cleverer than twelve year-olds who are still in year two) which was IN JAPANESE. (You might be all "ooh, but you do know SOME Japanese..." Yeah, the fonts wouldn't load. Also, I can't read much Kanji and "some Japanese" is roughly equivalent to "So long as she's happy, I don't mind", "I will sail through the cosmos with this planet as my vessel", "hello, I would like to inform you my teacher has transformed into real english strawberry jam", "that car in front is a Toyota" and other such useful phrases.)

Mileston'd

2008-04-12T19:36:00.003Z

This is my 100th blog post. Inverse-vandal is I.

I still have the cough I got at the beginning of March, despite going to the doctors (which I never do for almost the same reasons as V) and following his iffy treatment. (Anti-biotics for a virus? Um... Nah.)

Usual illness: I feel ill. I do nothing. My parents nag me into going to the doctors. The doctor does some tests. I get better. The test results come back. I am prescribed medicine I no longer need. I fill my body full of chemicals for no good reason.

This illness: I feel ill. I do nothing. I then go to the doctors because my more sympathetic friend suggests I may be dying, my non-sympathetic friend suggests I die in a less disruptive and annoying manner. The doctor prescribes medicine that beggars reason. I continue to annoy/concern/noise pollute with my hacking cough, possibly forever. My father sugests I quit smoking. (I don't smoke, just in case that was lost on you).

Anyway, to celebrate the 100th post, I've changed my blog layout from something with irksomely narrow columns to something with illegibly poor contrast. You think it's bad? Today I saw a LiveJournal with blue on almost exactly the same shade of blue. I had to highlight everything.

I'm drinking barley cup, and not revising for my exams. Well, I'm also revising for my exams, but more not revising is being done than revising. I know most of it anyway, and the bits I don't know, I never will. Those bits are called History and Biology. Barley cup is quite nice. Although I have got to the bottom of the mug now and found that someone put washing up liquid in it before I used it. Oops.

Irked: Remote controls

2008-04-12T18:15:00.002Z

So far, I'm relatively certain that if someone said to me that I could choose one thing to remove from the world permanently, I would choose hiccups. I don't like them, and can't see any huge ramifications to their destruction.

The thing annoying me right now is Remote Controls. People's desire to make their lives "easier" at all costs is getting bloody ridiculous. Are you seriously telling me that as part of the same species as the man who united the Mongol tribes and fought among them against the Chinese empire we cannot cross the fucking room to change channel? That being said, if I was in a TV showroom and had the final choice between an ugly TV where I had to walk across the room (or, at my current set-up, move my arm slightly) and a television with a neat no-buttons interface, which would be reduced to nothing more than a heavy, expensive, delicate waste of space whenever the remote was mislayed, ran out of battery or broke, I think I would probably choose the one which isn't designed for fucktards. I didn't really hate remote controls while TVs still had all of the buttons in place; it wasn't until you became TOTALLY DEPENDANT on them they began to annoy a considerably increased portion of the hell out of me. I mean, I never liked people flicking through the channels during advert breaks. It's firstly, more annoying than the adverts, and secondly, ungrateful. The people who are PAYING for your televisual pleasure want nothing more from you than a few minutes of attention. Personally, I would rather spend a tenth of my TV time watching shit I don't care about than fork out more cash for it. If people continue t not watch adverts, they will disappear. That's why I set Adblock to apathy on all sites that don't accost me with viral pop-ups. If it weren't for adverts I would have to pay for a whole lot of things I'm quite happy to get for free. Like Google. Do you want to pay per search Google?

I was going to rant about atheists, but someone beat me to it. I'll rant about atheists when the atheist I was going to rant about fails to redeem himself.

A note from Goto's Legal Representative

2008-04-11T10:26:00.003Z

People are annoying me by EVEN TODAY talking about Spaghetti Programming as if Spaghetti Programing is the use of Goto. People think so long as their program text doesn't contain gotos it's linear and easy to understand. Leave Goto the fuck alone. I mean, seriously, between Procedures, Functions, Methods, Objects and various iterators, there are plenty of new ways to make people scroll up and down your code as if they're trying to loose weight sitting down. I agree that Goto is useless out of any language that doesn't use line-numbers, but wait... that's all languages. The poor thing is extinct: dead with a bad reputation. Sometimes it was the right tool for a job. It's certainly less confusing than breaking from a switch case. Unless we're talking about VB's goto, where it takes you to a label. I mean, "goto line 53" I can do. "goto flibble" isn't so great. What direction is flibble even in?. Additionally, VB isn't even linear, it's event driven! It makes very little sense!

The soloution to all your relationship problems

2008-04-08T07:41:00.006Z

Women

problem	solution
He leaves the toilet seat up	date women
Not enough foreplay	date women
He never wants to go shopping with me	date women
He spends more time watching football than appreciating me	date women
We can never find anything to talk about	date women
He can't find my clitoris	date women

Men

problem	solution
She wants me to stay awake after sex	Go gay
She hates all my date ideas	Go gay
I can't tell if she's faking orgasm	Go gay
I get dumped for "not being romantic enough"	Go gay
She wants children	Go gay
She won't try anal with me	Guess

All these people go on about Heterosexuality being the "right" and "normal" way because heterosexual unions are blessed with children. Firstly, Blessed is not the word you are looking for; try cursed, burdened or fraught. Secondly, I would consider a healthy, meaningful relationship with a partner who understands you the primary goal of anyone's life. Making homosexuality the normal, functional, right way to go. Children are like the punishment you get for falling off the ladder. Okay, girls, you have strong biological needs and all. Fuck a guy once. Then, bring up your lovely child with a caring and understanding person you love, rather than the father. It's not fantastic in evolutionary terms, but emotionally, 20/20. Okay, some guys have biological needs too, but half of the time, those are "I want children I don't have to look after" urges; see above. Otherwise, these men can be our heterosexual minorities. They're probably girly enough to form meaningful relationships with some women. Or, have an "if it's a boy, I'll take it. If it's a girl, you keep it." plan with some lesbians. Whatever.

The reason our society is not totally gay is likely at least partly the fault of unimaginative and otherwise dysfunctional women who just sit there doing what everyone thinks is normal and miss out of the epiphany I had when I was twelve: "Why don't I just be gay?". Post that, it's also the fault of men who don't like the thought of taking cock. Let's put it this way: not only is that one of the main reasons I'm gay, but additionally, I would consider not being disgusted at the thought of being penetrated a psychological disorder. Men and women. I know few would agree with me, but that's just because they're not me, and therefore fucked up.

On the simplest level; from a permanent point of view, women are better. Men and women alike agree that women are much hotter: the boobies, the zero chance of her fucking you, the slender limbs and nice hair etc. From a less than permanent point of view, men have better personalities. They control, think rationally and stand up for themselves appropriately. Women have the capability to do all these things, but somehow, by the second year of high school, they just think "fuck it. I'll just be a worthless slag." Women who sit around and complain about how men love them only for their bodies are idiots. Dears, men love you only for your bodies because that's all you have. No-one is going to love you for being you until You stops being a defeatist, puerile, generic little girl with no interests that can't be bought. To be born a woman is the greatest honour you can receive, yet so many people fuck it up. The ONLY downside to being a woman is the lower IQ. You may be interested to know that this averages at a difference of less than four points. FOUR. Do people boast their IQ of 104? Nope. Someone in whatever new scientist article I got that figure from suggested women don't do as well as men because of the IQ difference. An IQ difference of four is not noticeable at an interview; certinately not as noticeable as the kind of tangible stupidity that fathered that remark.

Windows is Easier to Use than Linux

2008-04-05T08:32:00.009Z

People don't believe me when I say Linux isn't any harder to use than Windows. So I'll quit saying it. Linux is harder to use than windows. For clarity, I'm speaking specifically about Ubuntu Linux, which is the one all first-timers should use. For further clarity, I'm being partially sarcastic.

Function	Linux	Windows
Logging On	To log on using Linux, you have to know your username. You have to be able to spell it. You have to know your password.	With the correct windows set-up, you have to recognize your name, OR the little picture you chose to represent you. Windows Vista has made it even easier: press enter.
Installing a new piece of Hardware	It will almost always, without fail auto detect. If it doesn't, got to synaptic and find some drivers, or run one of the hardware wizards from system menu.	Even if it DOES auto detect, you will need to be connected to the internet to download drivers. If id doesn't, there are wizards which don't work, or more likely, the software disc that came with the product. If you lost/damaged it, you are fucked. Installation from one of these discs has never,in my experience, taken less time than the Linux auto-detector.
signing on to MSN	Open Gaim. Enter your details. Decide if you want Gaim to log you on when the program starts, when the computer starts or when you tell it to.	Open MSN messenger, enter your details. MSN will now log you on without your consent whenever your puter starts.
Signing onto AIM/other.	Open Gaim. Enter you details.	Go to the internet. Find a suitable free program, download it. Install it, configure it, enter your details.
Installing	Insert the disc, wait for it to load up. Select run/install. If Linux will not work on your system, this is when you will find out. Otherwise (almost always): Go to start, click install, go through the two minute setup program, which asks nothing more technical that "what time zone are you in" and auto-detects ALL of your technical details. Watch it install in what is almost always less than an hour, reboot, start it up.	Enter the disc. Go through the hour-long, confusing, technical set-up, make sure you have your manuals in hand, because Windows may ask all kinds of technical questions. wait 24 hours for the thing to install (okay, sometimes it's as few as three). This, after at least three hours of shit is where you find out if it didn't work.
Finding and installing a piece of free, compatible software for a specfic purpose	Open either "add remove programs" or "synaptic" from the start menus, depending on how technical you want this to be. search for roughly what you want. All the programs listed are free forever, compatible with your system, recommended and downloaded from a fast secure server. Select the program you want. Read it's description. Click on the little checkbox next to it. Select apply. Wait a few minutes. The program is now installed and ready to go. It will only need a reboot if it is part of the kernel, which is never is.	Go to the internet. Search. Read through all the results carefully, to make sure you're not downloading trialware and that it's compatible with your system. Download it, possibly from a slow server. Unzip if any. VIRUS SCAN IT. Run the EXE. installation will vary depending on the program, it might not require installing, or it might require lots of configuration.

See how much easier to use Linux is? I mean Windows. Windows is. Yeah. Windows is eaiser to use. That was what I was trying to prove.

Cept it's not.

Please be nice to your god.

2008-04-04T15:06:00.002Z

I don't know why exactly Christians are so offended by the idea of creationism, or the big bang well, they may dislike anything that contradicts the bible (Stupid: lots of things contradict the bible. Christians themselves: for instance, I live near a church and am not currently on fire.) But this irrational bigotry is backed by this second argument: That such a belief is dishonoring God. I think the reasons Christians think this are varied. Varied between "Christians are stupid" "Christians are intellectually challenged" And "Christians are sloppy thinkers". Okay, maybe just varied in terms of politeness. I mean, the idea that we were not personally created by God is not on any level robbing majesty from His Exalted Name. It's ADDING to his majesty. How can I explain this?

Okay, take a look at this video, or a small part of it. adding machine. Now, you might need to know a bit about binary to understand that. But I think it's fairly safe to say that that's the coolest thing I've ever, ever, ever, seen ever. If that kid had done the same math in his head, how impressed would you be? Not as much, I bet. A little bit, but not as much.

Now, an example for you guys who didn't watch the video or aren't a big fan of computers. Imagine I showed you a painting. This painting is amazing, it's almost photo-realistic, there's so much detail and clutter in the background, there's this girl who is so beautiful you fall instantly in love with her, and she's got realistic skin tones, it's just the most beautiful,meaning full and interesting painting in the entire universe. You'd be really impressed. You say I was the next [insert name of overrated artist I would be insulted to be associated with]. You'd probably think I was awesome and want to be my best friend. Now. I stop and tell you a secret. I didn't paint the painting with brushes. I didn't paint it with sticks, I didn't even paint it with an aerosol. I painted it using a paintball gun. Really small paintballs, but paintballs. Are you more impressed, or less impressed? Now, I tell you another secret. I didn;t look at the painting while I painted it. No, the gun is operated from underneath, a contraption made of pegs and elastic bands, and I'd flick it and a whole array of these little balls would smatter on the canvas and form a seemingly random pattern of some kind that eventually would develop into my masterpiece. I don't even select the colours, i just toss in a whole load of these balls in primary colours and shake. Are you more impressed, or less impressed?

Now, imagine you're a woman who longs for a child. One night, an angel comes to you and says: "Design your perfect child. I'll make him for you." You choose a child who is clever, funny, pretty, well behaved, quiet, assertive and good at ballet. You get what you ask for. But, one day, you meet a mother who you become friends with, and your children get on just great. They get on so well, because they are so alike. This child is everything your child is. Attractive, broad range of intelligence, talent. Plays the piano better than most. You turn to this mother and say "was your child given to you by an angel?" Surely, this must be, for such a wonderful child to exist, the mother must have DESIGNED her, not RAISED her. But, no. She says. Her child is just the regular kind of child you get from heterosexual sex. Her child is awesome because she reacted the right way to the paintings done in playgroup, she convinced the child to learn piano and excel at it using her tender mothering skillz. She made sure she learned the importance of her opinion, and others. She read to her child every night to make it feel loved, learn to speak well and develop quickly. She set her child up to succeed. She made sure she got good teachers at school. She took time out of her life to help with homework. She didn't tell the answer, she showed how to arrive at them. She's a better mother than anyone who just said "polite, clever, nice feet." to a cosmic entity.

Bonsai trees. You slowly coax them up through wire into intricate shapes. How much easier would it be to carve that out of a hunk of wood?

Basically, setting something up to create itself is harder than creating it. I'm impressed at my Gods for creating physics. The though that God just threw some mud down and went, "What The Hell, let's make some cytoplasm dollies!" is insulting by comparison.

Please contact an intelligent life form with your error code.

2008-03-23T14:38:00.002Z

Hight ranking on my list of things which annoy me are programs and people who assume, somehow, there is some godlike figure silhouetted in a mysterious server room who knows everything known about computers along with a few things we have yet to discover. He's never had a compilation error, he's memorized the error codes. He quotes man pages. He's credited in the fortune file. He wrote the memory management utility for Microsoft Windows during work experience. He can even program using a Mac. He's ready and (secretly) willing to solve all my petty end-user issues.

Somehow, despite having administrative privileges and being the only existing user on my Windows computer, if anything goes wrong, I have no alternative but to brace myself, knock tentatively on his door and ask if he could trouble himself to assist me at workstation 13. His deep booming voice assures me he will be along in second.

This is primarily a Microsoft phenomenon, but it crops up all over the place. Why do they do that? "Please contact your system administrator". Microsoft prides itself on being user-friendly, aimed at the masses. WHY does their help and error console not even briefly consider the possibility that you are not a feckless office drone with no computer skillz? I think it's fairly safe to say that, out of the office, there is no such thing as a system administrator, or if there is, he's also known as Dad. So what is with the system administrator bull? it's not even a realistic "Install program, or ask your system administrator to"; it converses absolute conviction you are not your own Sysadmin. As my own Sysadmin, this really, really, really gets on my pex. (Oh, btw I've started leering like Cat, speaking like Rimmer with Lister's idioms and Kryten's facial expressions. It's really annoying).

The most annoying thing I've encountered so far in Vista (I bare use it) apart from it's slowness and surreally egotistical tenancy to do whatever the fuck it thinks is best (rather than, more traditionally, what I tell it to do) is the screen it shows when installing updates. Whenever I log on to windows, there are updates (They might be the same updates, in fact, they probably are...). The screen appears when it is installing updates prior to shutting down. Adorably, it reads "Please do not turn off or unplug your computer. Doing so may permanently damage the Windows system.". The poor dear who wrote this probably got transfered to user interface typography after a swift dismissal from catering incited by putting a sign on the vending machines saying "Please do not enter the code 789654, or you might get free candy".

Work.

2008-03-16T08:50:00.003Z

It can't be avoided. You can choose either to work your ass of for years at school, get a good job, which, while it is summatively easier, is dependent on the work you did in education. Or, you can doss around in school, and get a job which is harder, pays less and so makes the rest of your life more work. You could make a break for it, build a house out in the woods, filter your own rainwater, subsistence farm and so on. If you work hard and make a lot of money you can retire early, if you work to invest the money wisely, you can retire early and well.

There are, of course, two major ways to get out of work. There's the fame way. Do a little work, make a sex video or marry someone rich and you can coast through your monotonous life with almost no effort. Except, of course for the constant effort to stay sane. People look at the world of celerity and see people like Britney Spears, who I hear is doing quite badly, and the assume that everything with all the other celebrities is all hunky dory. Well, it fucking well isn't. I mean, you can look at people like Heath Leger, who just so happened to be my favorite actor before he died, and think "See! He's doing alright!" Everyone would believe you, but next week, he could die because it casually turns out he has a wife and kid he never sees and abuses prescription medicine. You could be watching Red Dwarf and think "See, these guys are cool. I bet not one of these guys is crazy and fucked up." But Danny John-Jules almost stabbed a bin man . Would you stab a bin man? Would you even briefly consider threatening a 50 year old bin man with a knife? Exactly. What in hell would posses someone to do that? A general dissatisfaction at the extent at which your rubbish magically disappears? Not, it's possible that that's just a really nasty sounding headline. Hell, the bin-man might have started it, but that was the final clincher. I never, ever ever want to be even a little bit famous. I may sit here and think "Hell, I could hack being famous, I'd be fine." But last week I was sat thinking "Danny could hack being famous."

The other way is of course to be a council house mum. This one is comparatively simple. Even I, with my awful singing voice, intelligent hair and mediocre good looks can do this. Throughout you high-school education, the only lessons you need to attend are PSHE lessons. Find a council house dad, have some chav babies and live off benefits. Okay, you will have to raise your children badly, clean your own house, scrape the mold of the walls, budget diligently and... hey, this is sounding like work!

Now, have you considered, the reason these people fall apart is they do nothing? People I consider intelligent are people who work hard in school/work, then go home and do hobbies which are practically work! My main hobby, should anyone ask, is the running of my website. The drawing, the rendering, the coding and the uploading. So much fun! I also love to learn (learning is work, end of). Some people claim they are happy to drop a ball knowing it will fall. Knowing why doesn't interest them in the slightest. I'll never understand these people. My greatest joys are knowing things, and producing things. I like to relax by watching anime and listening to music. I work hard for my spiritual mastery. The most passive thing I do is read. I am a social television watcher. You know social drinkers look down on people who drink alone? That's how I feel about television. Okay, I watch anime but if you had any idea how HARD it is to watch Excel Saga... Anyway, I much prefer to do that with people. And at least I CHOSE what to watch. That is also a tiny portion of my existence. Okay, for the last two weeks I've been watching Red Dwarf like nothing else existed but I've been really, really ill. I've just finished my cough syrup! This is cough syrup I got after finishing the last third of an identical bottle left over after my last chesty cough! I still feel only worse. It sucks.

This post seems pretty darn random. It;s because I was reading these book on cosmic ordering and people were whining about how they didn't want to have to go to work. Work has never been optional. It annoyed me.

Spiders

2008-03-15T04:22:00.002Z

Really odd thing, I don't think anyone could accuse me of being arachnophobic (Agoraphobic's a maybe). I regularly pick up spiders with my bare hands. I think tarantulas are quite cute, but if there was one in my house I'd probably put it under a glass and find out what you do when a creature not native to this country who may stand a slim chance of surviving and additionally has the ability to make two-thirds of the population crap their pants. I've been in a similar situation before, when I found a spider which wasn't brown. It looked like it had the capacity to bite.... well, it looked like a red, tiny tachikoma. Anyway, Spiders don't freak me out at all.

Except in dreams. (a couple of dreams now) I go absolutely mental at spiders, backing away and trying to kill them at any given opportunity. I mean, in real life, at my age, in order for me to justify killing something, it has to be armed. If I don't /know/ something is poisonous, man-eating or an ant (I hate ants) I won't kill it. End of. Not just big spiders freak me out, immediately before the huge spider smash out, I saw a small spider and couldn't even look at it. (In general, if I'm scared of something, but it's not close or coming my way, looking away decimates the fear) I had to leave the room quickly. As I was leaving the room, something fell into my hair, I pulled it out of my hair, and threw it into the sink for closer inspection. Oh, good it's not a spider. Oh, well now it is, but only because this is a dream and that's how it works. Brief frenzied attempt to kill the spider before I either had a panic attack that woke me up or did some processing along the lines of Hey, it was in my hair, and I pulled it out. In real life it would take a week to get a spider out of my hair. Must be a dream.

addicted...

2008-03-09T12:33:00.002Z

If you've been wondering why I've suddenly become reclusive, cheerful and courteous, it's because I'm addicted to Red Dwarf. I love, love, love it. I've just finished watching series 6.

You won't see me until I finish series 8, so bye.

I love the Cat...

your excuse to live like a slob

2008-03-02T15:05:00.002Z

In theory, if you eat healthily and exercise more, you'll live longer, right? Let's think about it.

I'm a slightly overweight, generally unfit 20 year-old. Were I to exercise for an additional hour a day, stop eating happy hippos and prepare all my meals from scratch utilizing lots of pleasant vegetable ingredients, I'd live longer. (none of that is true, mind-I'm a terminally unfit size American 2.)

So, if I do the healthy thing, and live to 80 instead of 70, I win, EXCEPT: 18262.5. That's the number of hours I've spent in the gym. (50x365.25). I'd need to gain just over 2 years to make that up. Fair enough. What about the cooking? Probably twice as long, two meals a day (Few people crack open a pot noodle for breakfast anyway.) That makes it 6 years. Now, take into account the amount by which the quality of your life was decreased by never eating a happy hippo. If someone told me right now that every happy hippo I ate made my life half an hour shorter I'd consider it a fair trade. It only takes me three minutes to eat a happy hippo, but those three minutes are worth more to me than ten times as long without a happy hippo. So, the time you spent exercising will have made your life less fun. The time you spent making food, less fun. The times you got home and felt like you could achieve less because of how tired you were. Now, think about how you will feel being old. Worn out, lots of arthritis from the exercise, poor because you spent all your money on gym memberships and healthy food and likely alone because you got home too tired/late to have sex/go out on the pull, let alone raise children. These years are not worth as much as the 6 years you spent getting them, are they? Gotta be worth half as much, perhaps? Perhaps less. I could go on with finances, and how wasting that much time would impact your academic well-being and thus the job you do. I'm not saying you shouldn't live healthily. I'm just saying you should do it because you want to make your life NOW better, not because you want to live longer. I'm also saying: dont listen to the shit people tell you. Scientists say eating bran flakes will make you live longer? Even if it does, does that mean anything to you?

And, Galaxy. That shit about the shape of a piece of chocolate affecting it's taste. Nonsense. So far the closest I've got to "Man, this new shape makes the chocolate taste noticeably better!" is "Man, this new shape feels really awkward in my mouth. I fucking hate galaxy." It's annoying enough to make me stop eating galaxy. I love everything made by kinder except the kinder surprise. Happy hippos are like my cosmic weakness. Maxi are sooo lovely... This is not in affiliation with the kinder company. While I'm on the road... Thornton's chocolates taste dissssssssgusting. They take ancient recepies for the most lovely chocolates invented and fuck them up. Their coffee house is shit too. They managed to make COFFEE taste bad. The chocolate that came free with the coffee was alright though.

I have CFS.

2008-03-01T16:11:00.002Z

Or I'm dying slowly, I'm not sure.

I'm also stupidly depressed. I used to be the kind of depressed where I;d get home from school and cry for about 4-12 hours before going to bed. Then I spent about two weeks learning lots of happying techniques from books written by crazy people. Now I've moved on to the sort of depression where I bunk off school, sit and do nothing for 14-24 hours and then go to bed for 10-14 hours and wake up so exhausted my eyes won;t open for more of than 2 seconds without twitching closed again.

The Partitioning Wars

2008-02-27T21:14:00.002Z

The reason, oh so long ago, I messed up a Vista installation is that Vista's new NTFS partition, stupidly still called the NTFS partition and being detected as an NTFS partition, despite the dangers of treating it as such, is incompatible with every re-sizing tool in Linux (at the time). Actually, the only re-sizing tool it can use is the Microsoft re-sizer, which is a program under start in Windows. Little alarm-bells going off? They should be. Apparently, not only is it possible to Live re-size an NTFS, it is actually the only way. People who know much about computers ought to feel a little ill now. So, using a Linux re-sizer to resize a windows partition breaks the OS. Wow, Linux might loose this battle if the Windows resizer is capable of dealing with EXT3 partitions...

Well it's not! Not only is it not capable of resizing them, starting the magical online windows re-sizer actually breaks EXT3s, and likely most other non-microshaft formats. No, not when you do anything, just STARTING THE PROGRAM UP, breaks them (It's trying to work out the partition format that does it, in case you were wondering.) This is one more reason to hate Windows, in addition to the one earlier this paragraph .

Linux wins again! 2048-Nil!

I'm so nice.

2008-02-27T20:14:00.002Z

I'm getting a little sick of people assuming I can't be nice. I know I'm not always nice, and I can, if I choose be really, really unpleasant. (I'm incapable of being handed something without saying thankyou, though. It's hard coded. If a dude took my handbag... wait, I never carry a handbag... if a dude snatched my trousers and took my wallet out, thrust the rest into my hands muttering something about not wanting my Vaseline and V220, I would say thankyou. And I'd mean it.)

I had one conversation over the phone I wish I had recoded so I could play it, at length to anyone who ever had the audacity to tell me to "be nice". Basically, when I got my new computer (Big mistake: if you start with the Whirlwind, I recommend upgrading your existing computer. Start with transistors, Valves are so old-fashioned.) Anyway, I ordered my computer from Dell (Shut up, it wasn't my choice!) It came with Vista (Nothing I could do) and Having never used Vista before, and having not received a manual, or a warning sticker, or anything, I was unaware that the partitioning system on Vista was designed by a four year old who had never used a computer more calculated than a slide-rule. While installing Linux I messed up the partition system for a reason I will discuss later. As Dell had not included an install disc, I had to call customer care support. Now, while fledgling Customer Support workers constantly fear being called by someone fantastically computer-illiterate (thinks their OS is MSWord), I have an eternal fear of being forced to ask for tech support from someone fantastically computer illiterate (uses Windows at home and considers this acceptable behavior). Or, possibly generally stupid, incapable, of say, understanding there are two flights of stairs and 8 layers of wood between my phone and computer. By the time I had to make the call I was practically chanting "It's just customer care support." I won't go into the hassle of just getting to the people. No, I will. I decided as I was at HOME using my computer for recreational purposes, was not of working age and my computer would never, likely, be used by any kind of profit-making organization, I was a home user. So, logically, I phone Home care support. I had just explained my problem to the dude on the line and was about to say that it really wasn't important if he couldn't understand how I over-wrote windows, when he transfered me to Small Business Care Support. Apparently "Home" means "idiot". I was fairly sure that I knew more about computers than most Customer Care supporters, so had they labeled the number "novice" support, I'd have slightly more respect for dell. I was somewhat relieved, as I couldn't understand a word the nice Iranian man said. After a ten-minute wait, I got to my sweet Indian Small Business Care Supporter. She told me her name, it was quite long. I was not here for friendly conversation, but I wrote most of it down in case it was useful. I used a little diplomacy. Dell doesn't usually package discs, so instead of explaining why I needed one, I left out most of my explanation and merely pretended I thought it was an oversight. I had a sneaky suspicion if I mentioned Linux again, I would be transfered to Large Business CCS, and I had already formed what was so far my most deep and meaningful female relationship ever with this woman. I find it annoying when people refer to discs with a capacity exceeding a gigabyte as compact discs, so I was asking for "The Windows Vista DVDs for Home Premium 32bit." Adorably, Dell does not require it's Customer Care Supporters to have so much as a GCSE in IT, and the woman didn't know what a DVD was. I was so fucking polite. Every bit of me wanted to go "So, you know fuck all about computers? Nice. a DVD is a bit of plastic with some binary and shit on it. Please send me one. Now. Whore." (Obviously I would never, ever speak to anyone like that unless they were unpleasant to me - mere stupidity/ignorance does not merit such rudeness.) I was impressed that I kept my tone level. I still have morals so I refused to say "it's a bit like a CD" as I knew I would have to. Instead I merely said "A Digital Versatile Disc" clearly. Most people, even vaguely computer literate ones wouldn't recognize that as a DVD, but the word Disc meant something to her. "Is that a bit like a CD?" she asked. I was finding it hard to avoid laughing, so I didn't. I excused myself briefly and laughed harder than had in months. Then I came back and said that, yes, it was very like a CD. I refrained from patronizing use of the word "big" or confusing use of the word "dense". It's the politest I've ever been.

The poor dear sent me the Home Basic version of the OS, but, hell.

Dell SUCK. In so many ways I can't even describe them. For a start, shipping a computer with no Serial or IDE ports and only 6 USB ports. six .As in, less than the number of USB devices I can hold in one hand. That's Four less than the number of USB devices I have within arms reach. Once the static input devices are plugged in, I have a number of free USB ports than the average of USB devices I carry with me! by definition, the Universal Serial Bus is something you need as many of as you can possibly conceive owning. (I carry an MP3 players with me, a Pen disc around my neck, one in a pocket and a Digital camera. My static input devices are a Tablet, a Keyboard, a scanner/printer, a game-pad and a mouse. In order of importance. I have an external HD and a Blutooth dongle. I make that 12. In my hand, I could get both my MP3 players, two pen-discs, a dongle and my camera cable. Balanced on my tablet, OR nested in my Game-pad, possibly both.)

Sick of irational cencorship.

2008-02-25T20:31:00.005Z

Here are the things I think should be censored on tv.

These words should be beeped whenever the producer feels like it:

Shit
Piss
Cunt
Fuck

(In case you're wondering, I settled on that order because sex is good, and vaginas are nice, but wee is not a great talking point and I most definitely do not want to hear anything about poop.)

What should not be censored? Well, for a start, what is with fuzzing out mouthes when they swear? WTF? Yes, because there are little children who will use their leet lip-readery to re-construct the word. Nope. The only way a child will recognize the swearing is if they already know the word. And then what? Were you hoping your child thinks the beep means someone said kitty? No. Almost every child knows all the swear words, and most children are clever enough to work out which word it was. I advocate beeping those words primarily for the following reason: They annoy the crap out of me. They make my well-educated, swear-proof soul jolt. Swear words are pure lazy. I'll explain this later.

The other thing that I saw irrationally censored, is the putting the middle finger up. Why would people care about that? Again, if your child doesn't know this, they will find it our later anyway. Bleeping swear-words is fair enough, because if you hear lots of swearing the words just start to slip out of you. Anyone accidentally stick their middle finger up at someone? No. Ever accidentally sworn? I have. Daily since I got into secondary school, there are just so MANY curses, they seep into your skull and inundate your brain with the refracted slime of deliquencey. (translation: fuck your brain). And get this. It was on the simple life. As if a child watching the simple life could be spoiled (I was watching it because I wanted to flak Paris.) A better way to deal with the rudeness would be to take that repetitive, constructed and painfully stupid program (shit) of the television and put the pair of plastic, malformed, lazy retards (cunts) out of a job. And, on the other hand, I don;t give a dyspeptic hake (fuck) if your children learn to flip people off. If your child flips people off, it's because s/he's a insolent little brat (bitch) who will continue to be so until you parent her/im properly. (Seeing Paris Hilton flip people off is not going to encourage your child to be rude of your child is a nice child)

If you haven't got why swear words are lazy yet, it's because I went through my post and replaced the swear words with what I really wanted them to mean. It left me with something more articulate, meaningful and interesting than the same post with cliche'd combinations of curse-words. I'm glad you understand. Can I swear now?

One thing said, Paris (or it might have been Nicole, let's face it, they're too similar for it to matter) had a point: The little girls wearing makeup deserve to be treated as adults. Their parents are turning them into little bitch-whores anyway How can they complain? I had a momentary* surge of respect for Paricole, until I realized she said it to get her ass off the fire. Then I put her back to pond-slime. Inarticulate, poorly educated, relatively ugly and trashy pond slime, that is.
*really, quite momentary, about three jiffies

So, V has been talking about disciplining children, anyway. She has something interesting to say about it, clearly. For my part, I'm going to criticize her example of breaking a vase. Don't, DON'T have a go at your child for anything they do by accident. (If it is an accident, and not an accident caused by the violation of another rule, e.g. "no football in the house", "do not test the breaking heights of my china".) What are you teaching your child if you do that? Nothing! What are they supposed to do? Not make any more mistakes? Stop being clumsy? All you'll do is make your child a nervous person who believes they're worthless and will be punished whatever they do. Case in point: Whenever I break stuff, I cry. Utterly without exception. If I break something, I burst into tears and continue to cry for a few minutes. It is almost my only ambition to live in a house with entirely plastic cups and plates I don't like very much. Next bear in mind the fact I feel uncomfortable eating or drinking from plastic. (If I've backed out of eating your house, it's likely because you served it on plastic. I can't eat off opaque/translucent/thick/scratched plastic. That or the food wasn't the right colour, or had sauce on it, or .. actually, there are countless reasons. There, I hope you enjoyed that poke at my soft underbelly. Also, the later-part of the composite noun in that sentence actually makes my skin crawl. And there is a number I can't say. And I don't like even numbers. I'm going to stop now.

Why do people MAKE these languages?

2008-02-10T20:52:00.000Z

Or even write them! I'm presuming it take upwards of 60 minutes to make a programming language from scratch. Why do people waste an hour or more of their time making programming language that fall into the following categories?

Interpreted Programming Languages. There is no practical use for interpreted languages, (apart from online markups). These languages are produced on mass by programmers who think the theoretical being able to use their amazingly powerful programming language as a calculator is more important that being able to use their amazingly powerful programming language to make programs people can use. These languages are subsequently used by programmers who think that their program is cool enough for people to download the interpreter, install the interpreter and launch their program from the interpreter, to make programs so trivial it doesn't matter that interpreted languages are slower that treacle, which are used exclusively by Linux users who can type python -fuku shitprogram.py in their sleep.
Case-Sensitive Languages. While being case sensitivity is not quite enough to ruin a language, it's close. These languages are designed to be use in projects utilizing so many variables you run out of letter combinations and are forced to differentiate through capitalization, by programmers who are so fantastically talented they never capitalize incorrectly.
Programming languages not utilizing print keyword. People have been typing print since it actually printed. We will continue typing print. If that means not using your language... guess what?
Programming languages with a riddddddiculous amount of keywords. If you have a separate print command just to append a line feed, this is probably you.
Programming languages that compile to byte-code. The advantage to compilation is people don;t need an interpreter, it's faster and source protection. The advantage of interpretation is interpretation (some people like that). The advantages of byte-code are slowness, no-one can access your source, only people dedicated to you enough to download a compiler will use your program. Oh, wait, those aren't advantages. Well, then, I guess you suck, byte-code.
Programming languages without a manual. These exist! I figure, for every language there must be a manual. Nothing hardcore; one page, all of the keywords, what they do. It would take like, at most one eightieth of the time it took to make the language. But no, some dumbfuck goes and writes a language, puts it on the net and waits for it's users to write a manual for it. Which would be fine, if it were also physically possible. What do you expect us to do? Type random ass words in, compile and test? No, what we're going to do is use C. Piss off. It would also be nice if the manual didn't require a masters first doctorate in Computer Science to understand.
Non-portable languages. At least Linux and Windows. Windows users are the majority, and Linux users represent the portion of the community that deserve computers. (Unix variants, anyway). Both Haiku users are too used to stuff not working for them to complain anyway.

There are probably more, but I can't think of any right now. Basically, I don;t like C and her dirty sisters much. I can't use C++, because apparently, I need a makefile in order to compile the following program:

#include <iostream>

int main()
{
std::cout << "Hello World!" << std::endl;
return 0;
}

Despite having about four books on C++ at my disposal, I have not found the word "makefile" among them. I can't find makefile tutorials on the internet. It also turns out that despite having four C++ compilers installed, the file "iostream" isn't on my computer. Or the internet. What I want more than anything, right now is No More C. In order to escape C, someone has to make another programming language. Somehow, people haven't done this. I've waited and waited, but No. People waste time that could be spent replacing C making pointless crap languages like Liberty Basic (no rand function, useless), Python and Ruby. Java. Think of a use for Java. No, I couldn't either. I've seen one program in Java that did something of worth, and it was KOLMafia. I think that proves my point. Art of Illusion? If you were made in any other language, you'd be a real program!

To be fair, no language can out useless Liberty Basic. It is interpreted, Case-Sensitive, has no Randomizer, and you have to pay for the interpreter. Think about that for a second. Paying for a compiler is fair enough. Paying for an INTERPRETER? Great. Liberty Basic programs are useless, except to people stupid enough to pay for liberty basic. And then just useless.

(Okay, maybe Liberty Basic isn't useless, that was harsh. It is easily the least practical language I have ever used.)

and I'm allive because...

2008-02-09T14:56:00.000Z

I read the wiki article on suicide methods, and all of them fall into the following catagories:

I'm to scared to do it
It's so likely to fail through my incompetence
I don;t have the necessary resources
I'm not clever enough to do it.

And, this is why I'm still alive.

Crochet, a description.

2008-02-07T20:10:00.000Z

I finally found a suitable analogy for crochet. This will eternally be used to explain why I like crochet, and what I hate about it. Most of my friends will understand this. For those that don't I still have my old fall-back: "It's like knitting with a toothbrush".

Knitting is like programming probably using like, Python or Ruby (except that you don't leave the needles in your knitting).

Crochet is like programming in whitespace. More ways than you can imagine. You can't see what you're doing, but it doesn't really matter, the best you can hope to make is a mess. Being blind is /not a handicap/ in crochet.

Weaving is like programming in C_, I guess. It takes ages to get anywhere, but what you're left with it quite pretty and functional.

Brainfuck, or possibly Java is probably akin to felting, in that you take a load of shit and whatever you end up with is entirely not your fault, as it's impossible to actually come up with an intentional result.

Macramé is HTML. You can't possibly hope to make anything more exciting, dynamic or useful than the piece of string you started with.

Sewing? You're Visual Basic/GML. It took you 30 seconds to make that dress, but people are still impressed that you did it.

Sorry, but LaTeX is getting dyecraft. Tie-dying, is like the Brain-fuck equivalent of markups. There must be one! (If there isn't, I'm going to use my extensive knowledge of C++ to complain extensively about it in forums. Ha, the only thing I know about C is that it's a figment of your imagination, impossible, and shit. And the keywords and most of the syntax.)

One day I'm going to find a language I hate enough to consider it equivalent to carving your clothes out of Rock.

Sorry, I couldn't think of an analogy for Haskell. It might be close to wearing fur though. Gotta say, I know nothing about either of them. Except the syntax and most of the keywords.

Clean Mint!

2008-02-06T20:10:00.000Z

My toothpaste states it's flavour as "Clean Mint". The Dyspraxic AS kid in me finds this confusing. To my best efforts I was unable to find a toothpaste with ingredients akin to "Unwashed mint leaves", "Slug" or "Some mud".

Solar Torch.

2008-01-21T20:32:00.000Z

I'm in mock the stupid mode. Here's another one: Solar Powered Torch. Anyone who thinks that's funny doesn't know the meaning of "charge". I mean, think about your mobile. It's not very mobile when it's plugged into the wall, is it? No, that's why you CHARGE it. Poop-face.

Squirell?

2008-01-21T20:24:00.000Z

Moonbuggy is an awesome site, but one picture kinda worried me...

Stoner Squirrel.

Yeah, that's a chipmunk. Idiot. Other than that, take a look around. That site almost violates the First rule of StumbleApon. By being decent, at least 40% of the way through.

My science teacher is a twit.

2008-01-12T15:19:00.000Z

I have a lot of blog posts stored up in my head, there's a pretty huge backlog, but i want to take this opportunity to take the piss out of my Lucretia Science teacher, who we affectionately refer to as Quinna. People who have played Final Fantasy IX are now equipped to pick her out from a line up. They would also probably recognize her from a phone call. Those who haven't, imagine an androgynous, spherical thing capable of making George Bush look eloquent in deference. Seriously. Oh, I do really like her, I just don't think she should be teaching science. Not even Lucretia Science (That is, Biology, a Scientific way of saying "elementary".) Anyway, This poor woman said something so fantastically stupid I had to post it.

She Cited what happened to Richard Hammond as a reason not to speed. She said it as if Richard Hammond was reckless and stupid and ought to have learned his lesson (She might not have meant that, but I got that impression). (Richard Hammond is a star of Top Gear, a program about cars, who recently had an accident. Wait for the funny). Now, this is why you really need to research your references.

Richard Hammond Wasn't speeding. He was in the middle of a field sectioned off for filming, ie. no legal speed limit.
Richard Hammond is a presenter on Top Gear, he is contractually obliged to drive ludicrously fast quite often. Otherwise the program would only be quite awesome.
He was driving a fucking rocket car.
Knocking Richard Hammond is a mockable offense. You do it, I mock you. Well, unless what you say is a pertinent witty and good humored jibe. Like the fact he's the most anally rape-able top gear presenter (Jonathan Ross said something roughly to that effect. Although it might have been a different top gear presenter. it is also true to state that if it involves anal rape, it will probably be received well, at least by me.

She also made us make cubes to calculate the surface area to volume ratio of varying sizes of stuff for the purpose of studying her vapid biological heat-loss lessons. Here's a quick demonstration. I'm going to avoid doing any scripts, but I could make something so fucking awesome if this wasn't blogger.

1^3 cube	Surface area = 6*1^2 = 6	Volume = 111 = 1	SaVR: 6:1
2^3 cube	Surface area = 6*2^2 = 24	Volume = 222 = 8	SaVR: 3:1
3^3 cube	Surface area = 6*3^2 = 54	Volume = 333 = 27	SaVR: 2:1
4^3 cube	Surface area = 6*4^2 = 96	Volume = 444 = 64	SaVR: 1.5:1

Guess how many cubes I had to make to do that. None. Took me fucking ages, but thanks to my extensive knowledge of the 32 times table (computing gives you an eerie understanding of the subtle properties of the powers of two. Mostly from finger binary and buying drives.) I didn't even have to use a calculator. (By the way, I don't do the SaVR calculations as a hobby, these could be totally wrong. My point still stands.)

Sweet Asperger's Syndrome. You can work out the highest common denominator of 96 and 64 expressible in the form 2^n, but you can't criticize your Lucretia Science teacher without using exponents. Also, giving Biology a nickname? Well, at least I avoided using nested brackets. (Irrational quantities of brackets, but not nested).

Vegetarianism: a link.

2008-01-07T21:23:00.000Z

Eumaldicto: My Less than Usual Top Five (plus one) Reasons to be a Vegetarian

That is exactly ow I feel about vegetarianism, his reasons are the same as my own. Oh, except I have a few more, personal, ones.

How Beautiful you are.

2008-01-05T18:37:00.000Z

I was just listening to the song "How Beautiful you are" by the Cure (awesome band and song, peeps- seriously, buy Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me. Then Seventeen Seconds. Then all their other stuff.). At the line "and all six eyes stared fixedly on you" I was like "weren't there three of them?" Man, I shoot way to many three-eyed monsters in games. Or I'm just not so quick on the math. Or both. Yeah, it's probably both.

Taglin'd.

2008-01-05T17:56:00.000Z

Oh, I thought of an awesome new tag line for the blog, but FF had crashed and wouldn't start up like a bitch so I forgot it.

I still changed it though. Give me credit.

Oh, Violent Acres made me play with my dog. I think my dog hates her for it. Also, I now know she's scared of the dark. There are now fairy lights in her bedroom. Man, my dog's a spoiled brat.

Morality

2008-01-05T12:15:00.000Z

I know, I have no children and my qualification to talk on the subject is there is a child being raised in my house, and not particularly well, but one think I don't think many parents get is teaching their child morality. As a parent you need to teach your child two main things constantly: What is right and what is wrong, and that is always better to do the right. Particle theory is also good, but those are the main ones.

This means you must never, ever pass an opportunity to tell you child when they are doing something wrong. And you must never do anything wrong yourself. No smoking in front of your child, as it can't be justified. No swearing. You swear, you tell you child swearing is okay. "I'm older" is NOT, absolutely NOT an excuse. Kid's brains are not that well developed, but they are well developed enough to know that that is not a reason. "There are times you can swear and times you can't" is a reason, but "I'm older" is not. You're older so you should know better! "I'm older" is a feasible excuse for drinking reasonably, as your liver is better developed to process the alcohol correctly, and you understand the risks to your health enough to make an informed decision. Tell your child that, when something is good or bad, tell them why, explain it to them.

My mother did this so well for me. I'll tell you a little story. I once stole a piece of card from school. Yeah, a piece of card from the materials tray. She told me off and made me put it back the next day. Yeah. I never stole again. Okay, it isn't important that your school get their card back, on any level. What is important is that your child knows that stealing is wrong. When you turn a blind eye to your child stealing her friend's hairpin, you turn a blind eye to your child stealing from you. From shops. From banks. From old ladies. From houses. Are you going to wait until your child mugs helpless old women to teach them stealing is wrong? Or are you going to let them know as soon as they take olives from the fridge without asking?

It works all the way around. You let your child be rude to you, or your friends or other children, you are teaching them that it is okay to be rude. Okay to be rude to their teachers, their bosses, casual acquaintances, enemies, shop assistants. Everyone. If you let them insult some people and not others you are teaching them that is okay to be rude to some people, sometimes, or worse. Let your kid kick a dog, you are letting them kick a person. The morality they get from you must be absolute. It must be very, very clear. And don't just shout at your child, make examples of people. Make sure they know that everyone has a responsibility to be good. Daddy is not allowed to take office supplies from work, not while you have children.

Teaching them that you should do what is good is hard. Teaching them what is good is easy.

One more thing: Never really yell at your child for a first offense. If your child says crap or bloody or something else you don't like, and you yell at them, you are teaching them that the world is full of random traps they can trigger unsuspectingly. If you tell them politely that you should not do what ever it was, explain why, make sure they remember, and THEN yell at them whenever they do it, they learn not to do that thing.

Somewhere, my parents and teachers did this awesomely for me, I am completely incapable of doing anything even remotely immoral.

Britz

2008-01-05T11:06:00.000Z

(This is a program shown on British Television a while ago, I have been meaning to comment.)

I would like to state, nothing I say here is motivated by racism. I am not at all racist. I believe all people should be judged absolutely only by their actions. I don't have a problem with stereo types "women are bad at maths", "French people smell". These are often well founded, however, if I find a woman who's good at maths, I'd hire her for a maths intensive job. If I found a French person who didn't smell, I'd believe it. No, what I say is based on religious hatred. Religious hatred based on actions taken by religious people. I appreciate there are a lot of "Christians" who are not homophobic. I don;t hate them. I just think they're stupid. See earlier post: I hate Christians... for an explination of why it is okay for me to hate organised religion.

Synopsis of the second half, coutesy of the Chanel 4 Website: "Nasima is a medical student in Leeds who becomes increasingly alienated and angered by Britain's foreign and domestic policy after witnessing at first hand the relentless targeting of her Muslim neighbours and peers."

HERE BE SPOILERS

I didn't watch all of Britz, just the second half. Now, I didn't have any quarrel with Muslims, although I did think this might be though ignorance. Britz made me dislike Muslims more. It is designed to show how poorly we treat Muslims in this country, or something. They show how they keep Nasima's friend under house arrest because they think she might kill innocent children, or something. They then show how when Nasima finally picks up the courage to tell her parents about her non-muslim boyfriend, and admits to having sex with him, her parents take her to India and try to force her into an arranged marriage. Her Boyfriend tries to come and save her, and they kill him. She runs away to suicide bomber training camp.

Man, the British government are so awful, allowing that innocent girl to be raised by those Muslims. What a failure of the domestic system. Was anyone else thinking that? I mean, they killed her boyfriend. They drove her to become a suicide bomber. This girl was university age, and they shipped her of to India to a forced marriage and killed the man she loved, just for loving her. Man, the British government are so fucking out of line! I'm not chritisizing Muslims, because I don't think they would really do that. It's just that the directors and authors of this program seem to be a little misdirected. That's not the story I would use to convince people that these people are civilized and we should combat terror legislation. A good story would be if they had her become a suicide bomber because of how they treated her friend, rather than because her Muslim parents were cunts, donchathink? Or, possibly, a story were she wasn't a suicide bomber, would imply we should trust Muslims not to bomb us? The overall message of this piece is "Musims are fucked up, and will probably kill us over their own domestic issues". Well done, Peter Kosminsky. (Director).

Pretty Persasion.

2008-01-05T09:45:00.000Z

Yesterday I watched two awesome films (and Scary Movie 2, which was okay). One was Napoleon Dynamite. You've likely seen it, if you haven't you might want to. It's nice.

The second is Pretty Persuasion. You probably haven't seen it. Firstly, it is an 18 for a good reason (that's the worst certificate there is, for you folks living in countries that don't use the system. It's fairly self explanatory.) By no means let anyone with a mental age bellow 18 watch it. Seriously. (Most films are rated high for no good reason, if there was a 21 certificate, this would have it). It doesn't contain the kind of "Friends" style sex references a child could miss, at any point. Also, ignore the title. It's a bad title, case in point, I couldn't remember it after watching the film. Also, the blurb doesn't describe it very accurately. It's not similar to Mean Girls. Okay, it is similar to Mean Girls. In about the same way Jungle Book is similar to Mean Girls. There's a mean, manipulative girl in Jungle Book. She seduces Mogli and takes him out of the forest. There are mean girls in Mean Girls. They make another mean girl fat and unlikable, and steal each other's boyfriends etc. There are mean girls in Pretty Persuasion, I'm not going to tell you what they do. That would ruin the film. While I'm on the topic, Mean Girls is awesome, watch it. Yeah, and the Jungle Book is pretty decent.

Oh, I'm now slightly more motivated to replace my boyfriend with a girl. Taking applicants. No, Cam, must have been a girl for at least 6 months, not "soon".

So, I've been meaning to post,

2008-01-05T09:38:00.000Z

It usually goes like this.

M: Whoa, I'm having so many intriguing but meaningless and opinionated thoughts, I wish I was at a computer so I could blog.

M(@X): OMFG, LOLCATZ! Oooh, Advent children. Now I'm going to stare blankly into space while I wait for my bf to wake up notice he's got messages tand tell me to go away, Ktouch-type! (That's like a Linux game).

X is Xaugua, my computer.

Oh, I now play Guildwars. I'm Morgana Astute of the Stroud Dragons.

2007-12-26T14:36:00.000Z

I Am A: Lawful Neutral Elf Wizard (2nd Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-12
Dexterity-10
Constitution-10
Intelligence-18
Wisdom-14
Charisma-13

Alignment:
Lawful Neutral A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs him. Order and organization are paramount to him. He may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or he may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot. However, lawful neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all freedom, choice, and diversity in society.

Race:
Elves are known for their poetry, song, and magical arts, but when danger threatens they show great skill with weapons and strategy. Elves can live to be over 700 years old and, by human standards, are slow to make friends and enemies, and even slower to forget them. Elves are slim and stand 4.5 to 5.5 feet tall. They have no facial or body hair, prefer comfortable clothes, and possess unearthly grace. Many others races find them hauntingly beautiful.

Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Conversation of the day.

2007-12-22T13:05:00.000Z

(condensed to make sense)
M: For gods' sake!
B: Mmm... Sake....

(sake is Japanese rice wine.)

Like this:
S: It looks like wee.
M: It smells like wee.
B: Well, it's not.
M: *hysterics*

One reason I love my new host.

2007-11-26T18:28:00.000Z

Okay, so I'm looking through the faqs etc. for Nearly Free Speech and I find a page announcing a price increase. There was only one rude comment. It was the fourteenth comment. The next rudest thing was someone having a go at the people who dared mention their wallets. They must be the happiest hosting company oners ever. Some people where estatic. At a price increase.

At least I know I won't be sharing a server with any assholes.

In other news, today was the first time in my life I had to follow my cry of "indicate!" with "Indicate correctly!". It's not a very easy mistake to make.

Oh, and I'm moving hosts. Doll.

Best Conversations of the Week.

2007-11-19T13:14:00.000Z

D: You should get a restraining order against him.
M: You weren't listening to a goddamn word I said, were you?
D: It seemed to be about B. Those conversations are all either dirty or Emo.
M: I was talking about how every moment we are appart he is intentionally ruining my life.
D: You should get an Instraining order.
M: ... go on.
D: Instead of having to keep a minimum or 50 feet away from you, he should have to keep a maximum of 50 feet away from you.
M: I like. Sounds kinda like a violation of human rights, but it's B so... I'll fake his educational psycology degree, you forge his signature on a job application as my new ISW, then we go to court. You can be my lawyer.
D: LOL, yeah?
M: You did two a-level law taster sessions. It'll do.
D: I think I'll get a restrainimg order against you. You must keep a minimum of 8 milimeters away from me at all times.
M: Then I'll get an instraining order against you. Must keep a maximum of 10 milimeters away from me.
D: Well, that would kill your sex life.
M: We could get 8mm thick condoms.
D: ... Or, I could just close my eyes and look inconspicuos.

M: What do you want to drink?
J: I'll have whatever you're having.
M: I'm having soya milk.
J: Oh.

D: We're loosing, take your top off,
M: G's too clever for that to work. That'd just distract you.
D: What about C?
M: C? You take your top off!
D: Point. Meh, he's shit anyway.
C: Hey!
M: You could at least have done that while I was calling you gay. Oooh, C, come on to G to distract him!
G: Come on, D, let's get the girls off the court and play like men.
D: No, she's my lucky mascot and she hit the cock twice... serving. Cant remeber the other one.

Aestheticism.

2007-11-14T19:25:00.000Z

You know, there are two ways to deal with the fact in this world, image is everything. I mean, I was reading a magazine... Weight watchers magazine. I'm guessing it was bought by my mother, who is by far the most insecure about her wight. I'm pretty laid back about my weight. My weight is a medical HORROR. My immune system is almost non-existent, I'm in the MOST dangerous weight category in terms of BMI. And any other way you work it out. If I lost one stone, I would almost certinately die. My weight causes anemia and meant a complaint that should have cleared up in two weeks lasted three months. But my mum is more worried about her weight.... which recent research says is actually the LEAST dangerous weight to be. Anyway, the front cover of this magazine was fucking hilarious. At the top it says "THE UK'S BEST SELLING SLIMMING MAGAZINE!". Fucking hell. You must be so proud. One of the cover stories is also a laugh riot. "SHOCK REPORT: Is your weight costing you money?". Now, I'm not an expert in the field but one way I can think of to decrease the amount of money being fat is costing you is to; not pay WeightWatchers to make you feel bad about it, not buying WeightWatcher's magazines to make you feel bad about it, not buying expensive WeightWatcher's dieting products. Probably not the best thing to write about. And V was so right when she said being thin is expensive. The magazine then continues to tell you about all the success their customers found after loosing weight. Success. Okay, it's true, I am currently trying to kill myself, and if I lost weight, I'd die but... Success?

At the moment, one girl; let's call her Hannah, or Hannah-hobag, is constantly bullying me about having hairy legs. My legs are actually no hairier than hers, the only difference is I don't shave mine. However she continues to use the fact my legs are abnormally hairy as evidence that I'm a monkey. Now, most science would generally agree that Humans and Monkeys are different species and shaving the legs of a monkey doesn't make it human. I'm pretty sure humans are supposed to be similar to monkeys, but more intelligent. One decent indicator of intelligence is the ability, at the age of 16, to realize you are human because of your genes, not because of any cosmetic procedure. Various people have sugested, to deal with this situation, I shave my legs. You know what I'm ACTUALLY going to do? I'm going to get Hannah expelled. Let's look at the advantages of my way.

	Leg shaving.	Expelling Hannah.
Time cost	once a week or so for the rest of my life. Time cost, 40 hours a year? Presuming I live for another 3 years (optimistic) that's a lot of my valuable time.	Half an hour, maybe a whole hour. A whole hour I will take out of my English lesson, which is a waste of time anyway. Thus, adjusted time cost: nil.
Money	I need to buy razors and blades and stuff. They're relatively expensive.	Nil.
Enjoyability	None.	Expelling a girl who told one of my friends his four month old brother died chocking on his dad's cock? considerable. (Yes, she really said that)
Long term affects	I will always be slightly colder, My self esteem will always be slightly lower. My friends will always tease me about it. Negative.	I won't have to put up with the stupid bitch talking about the time she tried to have sex with a ten year old, ever again. (Hannah is actually one or more people, none of whom is called Hannah, and she actually did that. Then admitted it. Voluntarily. Twice. That I know of.) Positive.

So far, my way wins.

Now, you may be asking, could I really get her expelled? You bet. Let's go over this.

Me	Hannah	Me
Once beat the living shit out of a girl, and someone who tried to defend her (she sat on my lap). She got expelled. I got my bus pass taken of me for the rest of the year. I didn't attend school for the rest of the year (it was July). The school apologized. I once strangled a kid till he passed out on the table. The kid was originally sent to the office for aggravating me. He continued to maintain he had done nothing to me. They didn't believe him. They asked me what he did. I said nothing (he insulted me in Portuguese. Apparently.). I got sent to anger management sessions. Which I enjoyed.
Earns the school thousands of pounds in benefits both from being a little bit high on the autistic spectrum, then again for being "Gifted and Talented".	Isn't stupid enough to earn any financial help what so ever. Breaks things the school have to replace. The staff have to be paid to run her after school detentions. Has free school meals.
Asked to move forward a year, declined, because I hate that. Already has one GCSE, A*; got 100% in three module tests, 96% in two and 86% in one, which I am re-taking this month. Got 29/30 in one maths module and 18/24 on coursework. Probably aced another maths exam earlier this week. Archived one of the top 1% Yellis and Midyis scores in the country. Brings up the schools achievement average. Will definitely fuck the benchmark up the arse.	Held back a year.
Has 8 schools, closer to her house who will pull up a seat for her in a second if they see her yellis.	Has been expelled from 3 of those schools, rejected from the rest.
	Has been told if she so much as gets a yellow slip, she will likely be expelled.	Is a prefect, and so authorized to give out yellow slips.

I'm thinking, I win.

Mmmmm....... Alexis....

2007-10-13T18:56:00.000Z

Ugly Betty spoilers unless you've seen upto the first episode of series 2.

So, at about 6 yesterday, I was pacing quite a lot. My mum bought the box set of series 1 of Ugly Betty and I went from "Eeeew" to "Devil Wears Prada Rip Off" to "OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW" in one disc. I really, really love it. You wouldn't have thought.

People who have perhaps seen the last episode of series 1 would know why I was pacing. Well, pacing and clicking my fingers. No, really, I do it compulsively when I'm worried. You know how there's this order of necessity, some characters can die, some can't. I have a tenancy to love the characters that can. And do. My favorite character in everything dies. Apart from FFVII where.... oh... she does die. Okay, in everything. So, obviously, if there's a cliff-hanger and it looks like three people might have died.... well. compulsive finger clicking!

I was beside myself, of course. Then I was told that they show it on Fridays at 9. Sweet. I watched, I did the "OMFG, Alexis is okay!" dance. I think that exists.

My mum is now convinced I want a sex change. It's really, really annoying. As if it was FUN having her tell me all the reasons I'm not gay, I now get the odd "XX% of people who have sex-change ops kill themselves afterwards!" (The number changes frequently). I just think she's hot. And has a hot voice. And is nice and sweet. There ya go. I am gay. Pwn'd.

My dog is Gayaja.

2007-10-13T18:54:00.000Z

Right, my bitch is in heat, and she's still running away from every male dog who tries to sniff her. So, there goes the theory she's just not interested because she's not in heat.

Also, bad thing for the furniture.

Google... well done.

2007-10-04T22:14:00.000Z

So, your Google pagerank is based on the amount of sites that link to you. Right. How do we get sites to link to you? Well, people with sites have to find your site. There are two ways for them to do that. Either, by searching from something related to your site, and finding you are one of the top ranking results. Not likely, as uh... no one has linked to your site. For that reason. The other way is... to be one of the most popular sites in the world, and be stumbled apon. Oh, and I guess there is word of mouth but we all know that's fairy-tale. So, there are two ways to get a good Google page rank. Make loads and loads of psuedo-sites linking to your page. Hassle the fuck out of the owners of influential site owners for a linkback. Actually Google advocates this. When my site's popular and I get a ton of e-mails from wannabes asking for linkage, I'm going to have a word with them. I'm far more annoyed at having to be one of those wannabes. "Have your site linked to from other relevant sites". Lovely.

Sorry, the bastards removed me from the index a couple of months ago. I gave them a few months. I'm still out, despite increasing them amount of words on my site ninefold. At great personal effort. I don't do this for myself and my one dedicated reader, y'know. I do it because there are no decent, current Sephiroth shrines. People need one. I fill a void.

I need to badger people for a linking. What do you recon? Dang, FF-Fan seems to be down...

Tripple A for Idiots!

2007-09-22T22:16:00.000Z

So, I just finished watching 28 Weeks later. For those of you who haven't seen it, I will try to keep this a vague and spoiler-free as possible. In case you haven't seen 28 Days later either, The Rage Virus is spread just like AIDS, except that the concentration in spit is higher. Like rabies.

So, the main problem in this is the virus gets out. That's not a spoiler as it's fricken obvious. How does it get out? It gets out because the rescue opperation is run by AMERICANS. Firstly, the "Dad" guy? He has Access All Areas card, ne? So, here's a hint, I hope, should the world ever come down because of a virus, and the clean up be left to Americans, I sure hope this blog is still up, because here's some hints that the people in this film would have survived because of. If someone has AAA, give them some BASIC TRAINING. You know, BASIC. "This virus is spread via pretty much any bodily fluid. Should you be in, say a quarantine bay, with someone who might be infected, try to avoid, kissing, sex, bloodletting, biting, you know, the usual stuff. Okay, run that through, what do we not do to people who are in quarantine? No kissing, no sex, no biting, no blood-bonding, no urinolagua! Repeat back to me, Bitch!" See, pretty goddamned basic. If they don't get it, keep them out of the fucking quarantine bays!

The next big thing? Secure underground bunkers. Re-read SECURE. This means people cannot get in unless they have the basic intelligence necessary to say, enter a code, swipe a card, not eat their kith and kin. The bunker in the film was an old underground car-park. One thing that could have been done to make it more secure, would be say... locking the fucking doors? That bunker SHOULD have been impenetrable to thousands en mass of infected. As it was, the one kids' dad could just waltz in there and start chewing people's ears.

Now, should you ever find yourself a responsible citizen, drafted in to re-populate a disaster zone, where there is potential for more disaster, particularly when people get AAA without being taught the transmission rules, make sure you're up to it. People who, when locked into a SECURE (as far as they knew) bunker, run around screaming like any sensible person would do only if they where NOT in there, should not re-populate disaster areas! If you can't cope with a code red, stay at home in America!

Now, imagine your brother ran in with blood, fresh, potentially infected blood, all over his face. If you hug him, you are an idiot. Are we done now? Okay, correct procedure! Walk up to him, so you are minimum a meter away. Drop a pack of wet-wipes, a sergical gown, a lighter a can of gasoline and "Personal Hygene 101" "Nosophobia for dummies" or "the Complete Idiots guide to Not getting Infected with Blood Bourne Diseases". Turn around, let the kid undress, burn his clothes, wipe the germs of his face and put on the surgical robe away from your perverted eyes. Then teach him to read. Learn to not get Rage. Hugging is BAD.

Now, the sliiight containment failure at the end. I'm not blaming the helicopter guy. There's no way he could know. I blame the doctor woman. That child did not even KNOW he could pass it on... because the stupid hag didn't think to mention it! Idiot! If the people in this film knew what was going ON, then nothing bad would happen. Little fucktard wouldn't have gone off and had sex with French girls, make blood-brothers, joined a French Vampirists' Cult or celebrated their landing by French kissing his sister. He'd have stayed in Brittan and died like a good little shit. Or, survived like a good little shit.

So, on the off chance I survive this happening in real life, please don't suck cock at disease containment. (Also, don't suck cock. That's exchange of bodily fluid.) I don't want to watch you pittingly. If I don't survive, go ahead, why should I care?

Cryengine... Cry.

2007-09-19T21:15:00.000Z

So, I was watching a cryengine demo video... I mean hello? Let me condense the script. To one line.

CryEngine can do anything, apart from the things that actually have anything to do with how worth playing a game is. So, CryEngine can do anything, so long as it doesn't involve a game. Okay, so cryengine can do nothing. Oh, wait, it can melt your CPU. Pretty impressive, ne?

Uhm... No? Never in my life have I gone "OMFG, it;s so realistic!" while playing a game. Never will I. The closest I can come, is "Glass things break when you shoot them? It's almost like a minigame!". Glass breaking is fun. I am never, ever, ever, ever going to think "Whoa! Dynamic shadows! I think I will stand here, then walk over there, and watch the shadow shorten! I have found something fun to do in this piece of shite game! I'm having so much fun! I love this game, I will recommend it to all my friends!". I PROMISE. Graphics exist for one reason, and one reason only. So the player can see what they are doing. Somethign that clearly went right over the heads of the people who made Guild Wars. They seemed to think the purpose of graphics was to make it so hard to see what you are doing that your head hurts and you get the fuck off their server, you freeloading bastard. For their successes in this area, I commend them. I commended them first by not buying their game, and second by not buying any of the expansion packs. Now, graphics can be beautiful. Good graphics are about DESIGN. The graphics in Deus Ex are better than the graphics in Crysis. Wanna know why? There's blue glowing stuff, a dark eerie ambiance, and I can see what I am doing. Everything has square edges. Oh my fucking god, shockhorror. I like square edges. I miss them in real life. The graphics in Arcanum CANNOT BE IMPROVED APON (except there should be more character sprites!). Now, here is a total, complete list of all the instances in which it is ACCEPTABLE to use 3d graphics:

The game is impossible if it is not rotational. This rotation is impossible in 2d.

Realmyst graphics are shite. The graphics in myst are bad out of lazyness, not technical restraints, and if they rendered the graphics in realmyst, and left them like myst, with a few more animations, the game wouldn't have sucked cock. End of story. The people who thought "oooh, NWN should be 3d are the people responsible for the demo being better than the game. As are the peple who made all the levels after the first one pigshit. The people who said "ooh, make it avaliable for linux!" are the saving grace.

Back to this demo... all of the examples of cool things the character can do are followed by BOG STANDARD animations. Oh, look, he can walk like any other game character in existence. Fricken A. And object motion blur? Remember how graphics exist to allow people to SEE WHAT THEY ARE DOING EASILY? Right. Remove the motion blur. Along with every other kind of blur. Apart from blur it so they don't notice it's shite blur (the latest photoshop filter). And what is the difference between "enhanced cinematic effects" and, INGAME CUTSCENES? which are a huge technological advance that featured in such recent* games as FFVII**. Which also shouldn't have been 3d out of battle.
* 1992? Well, not this millenium, decade, or since the last E3 anyway.
** allong with... well, FF. FFII. Etc. Pretty much every game ever.

Grrr... periodic table of visualisation techinques? PERIODIC?

2007-09-19T21:01:00.000Z

Another point... to the makers of these periodic tables of visualizations, American presidents, sweetening agents, candy bars, vegetables, random stuff like that, fuck off. I mean, seriously? Have you noticed your data is not periodic? Have you noticed you're not funny, or interesting, or anything other than spactastic? Hello? What is with putting the latinade and somethingelseade series at the bottom too? and the curves at the top? the periodic table is the shape it is because it is HIGHLY STRUCTURED. Now as your "highly structured" is possibly alphabetic, maybe even chronological, or in colour order (arbitrary colour order, I mean, hello? has anyone else EVER SEEN a rainbow?) you have no excuse for the kinky shapes. In fact, lucky to be grouped by two variables. Now the Simpsons candy sponsored periodic table joke was hilarious. You are pathetic.

Sometimes I worry that people don't fully appreciate the true, immense beauty, the sheer numerical mastery, the information giving potential of the periodic table. It is a master of design. It is one of the great achievements of the human race. Usually, after worrying about that, I feel sorry for my self, I'm such a social outcast... for not good reason!

Oh, today in maths, I said "Will you shut up?! this is FUN math! The kind of maths I love! Quit ruining it!". They just laughed at me. On one hand though, algebraic proof is better than friends.

The internet continues to suck my spongy liver anus. Or something coherent.

2007-09-19T20:28:00.000Z

Okay, I want a periodic table. What I want is very, very simple. I would like the symbol of the element obviously, the name preferable, the atomic number WITHOUT QUESTION, and the Relative Atomic Weight as an INTEGER. I'm not doing a degree, I want to know how many NUETORNS there are. I'm aware neutrons are a bit heavy, quit fucking with me. 0 decimal places is quite sufficient precision! You would think, with the expanse of the internet, I would find this easily. But no. I get all this coloured funk, some of it doesn't even have the atomic number, or atomic weight to 84 sigfigs. Occasionally, there's no symbol. I mean, no name, fair, names are huge and if you can're remember what K is, maybe you need one of the ones with alkaline earth metals in cerise pink. And stop NUMBERING the periods. I can count to 0. I mean 8. I want to print it out and put it in between my map of Arcanum and my map of Lanhmar, or possibly next to my map of Ankh-Morpork. As far as I'm concerned, the periodic table is the beautiful, unchanging map of real life. Apparently I need to get in touch with that real life shizzle. I thought reading real life would help.... it's offensive to vegetarians, so I killed the author and burned his face. Then ate him.

On another note, today I touched liver. Not sure what liver it was, but it's pretty good at decaying H202 (hydrogen peroxide). It was squidgey and nice... I poked it repeatedly. It smelled utterly disgusting. Most people where surprised that I was okay with touching liver, when other people are not. Other people who eat meat. I mean.... duh! It's uncooked, it feels nice, it's pretty, and I don't have to worry about how it tastes. It's not economically inviable because this was a science class, not a dining room. Why would I care?

You non-liver touching people? You're a little pussy. I also noted it was almost all girls. Stupid girls. What stupid girls are doing in my science classes I don't know. Sorry Lau, you know I love you. Pussy.

By the way, my science teacher is a credit to the human race. As is my maths teacher, whole nother reason.

Straying even further from topic, I dreamed of my ex-girlfriend last night. She was kissing a guy and I felt angry and hurt. On top of wanting to angrily hut the said guy. I then attempted to make her jealous by cuddling up to a friend of mine, to whom I am most certinately not attracted... what with him being male and all... You'd think I'd've got over her now, ne? I should stop looking away from pain. If you ignore it, it might just stick around until it gets the attention it deserves.

26.

2007-09-18T20:23:00.001Z

I win.

Great, now I smell like boy.

and that's twelve.

2007-09-18T19:32:00.000Z

Well I've just been hugging someone for 13 minutes... actually, still going strong now. Hence poor typing.
I'll let you know how it goes.

Eienem nuen fenster? Nein, DESKTOP CLUTTER!

2007-09-18T09:25:00.000Z

"Blog anzeigen (in einem neuen Fenster)"

Okay, not only had blogger started germanning me.... but I understood that!

I wish I was taking Russian at Uni... University level Russian is like, telling the time. Spelling people's names. University Japanese is like, re-doing your nuclear physics HWK in Japanese. And it's 60% shorter.

Anyone know the German for Desktop Clutter? Mein tische ist nicht so sho:rn? Okay, I;m failing German.

How I lost my faith in U edu.

2007-09-18T09:12:00.000Z

On University Challenge last night, there was a question on computers...

"What is the name for a program written in Java..."

*buzz* "kernel!" (sounded pretty confident too...)

"Used to enhance the content of a web-page..."

APPLET! I knew that! I mean... Java... Kernel. Fuck. Still the guy was taking vetinary studies.

I also got the style of architecture enhanced with floral designs and pointed arches that flourished in the 19th C (Gothic) and five other questions I can't remember.

Java... Kernel.... I will never get over that.

Bad luck Jesus, you suck. (That was the name of the University... Jesus College Cambridge. But, while we're on the subject...)

sulks.

2007-09-11T19:36:00.000Z

Everyone I love/* is depressed and not talking to me. What are the chances of all those (2) people managing that? Even blaming it on me. I only have sympathy fro one of you. The other is just being a tool.

1 simple copywritting rule.

2007-09-10T18:35:00.001Z

Assault Cube

Exemplary. Utterly exemplary. This is a web-page for a computer game.

"AssaultCube, formerly ActionCube, is a free first-person-shooter based on the game Cube. Set in a realistic looking environment, as far as that´s possible with this engine, while gameplay stays fast and arcade. This game is all about team oriented multiplayer fun. More."

Reading just that ONE paragraph, I can see:

This is the page of ASSAULTCUBE (formerly ActionCube).
Assualt Cube is FREE.
AssaultCube is a First Person Shooter
Uses Cube Engine (which is good, BTW).
A few of the games strengths, and it;s multiplayer capibility.

If that didn't sell it to me, I could click on the "more" link. I'm interested. I want to know if the game runs on my operating system. Oh, look there's a GREAT BIG PENGUIN right there! I guess it does. I want to know if the download will take me forty four days and a year. The filesize is in huge letters underneath. I want to see if the graphics are legible, or eye-hurtingly ugly. I look down, screenshots. I know EVERYTHING I want to know, and I have not clicked a single, link. I have barely scrolled down! That's INCREDIBLE! FANTASTIC! 10/10. AssualtCube, I love your homepage. So, I'm thoroughly interested. I want to download this small, exciting, linux compatible multiplayer FPS. Oh, look there's a download link, right there. If I wasn't computer apt enough to tell whether or not something will run on my computer from the screenshots, the "more" link tells me it will run on crap hardware. Now, if I was comming to this page for the thousandth time, and I wanted to see what was new, there is news bellow. Great. not only a great product, but a great, fantastic, exemplary homepage. I'm going to say this again. Exemplary. Fantastic. Is it getting you yet? This is the best homepage, ever.

Breakdown! It's great, because!

Once sentence. 8 words. That's all I had to read to know what the site did. It's a site for a free FPS. 8 words. This is your target. If I read the first 2 sentences of your page, I should know what it does.
The Linux Logo. Using pictures to convey information. I did not have to read a word to find out if it ran on my operating system. Not a word. Where possible, use pictures to convey information, say it in text too, to make it clearer. People think in pictures, pictures read faster. Pictures are good.
I never got lost. It's all there! Everything I needed to know! One page!
Displaying filesize. Downloads had specified filesizes.
The site design is good and appropriate, it's an FPS, there are no pictures of puppies. Check. Bloodied metal, scraped plaster. Oh yes.
A logical menu in a logical location, just in case I need something not on the homepage. Juuust in case.

5 simple webdesign rules.

2007-09-09T11:25:00.000Z

Seriously, this is so simple I can't believe people have these issues.

the first thing my father told me, before I learned HTML or CSS or anything, was very, very simple. Yet, people still make this mistake. Yahoo, for example, their web designers must be utter fucktards. The rule? Specify, Specify, Specify. If you specify a foreground colour, specify a background colour. If you specify a background colour, specify a foreground. If you don't specify either, don't specify either. Leaving a background colour out is fine, but also leave a foreground out, then if you site is illegible, it's the users fault. If you specify a black text colour, but no background colour, what do people with black background defaults see? YOUR STUPIDITY.

No flash pages. I can;t make this any simpler. Flash intros are occasionally okay. Flash animations are great, flash videos are great. Flash pages are LIVING PROOF YOU HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF A SLUG! THERE IS NO REASON TO MAKE A FLASH PAGE EVER! If your site is like one great big game, fine. Flash. Otherwise, NO.

What am I downloading? On your site, I should always know how large the file I'm downloading is. Flash or FTP downloads. And If you site is one big flash, I should be able to find out what it is WITHOUT downloading it. A front page describing your site function is good. A little note above the flash is fine. A file size beneath the flash good. I should never, ever, ever have to download a huge flash program to find out what it does. If you start loading flash, and I don;t know what it does, do you know what I do? I move on. I never wait for flash to download unless I know what it is. Ever. Ever. Ever. That is final. I mean, you wouldn't ask a user to download a file without knowing what it is, would you? You wouldn't waste my TIME and BANDWITH with something I don;t want, whilst wasting YOUR bandwith and thus MONEY giving it to me, unless you where a totally idiot, of course. And most people do want to know how large a file is before they download it. And when I say most I mean all, and when I say people, I mean non-stupid people. Also giving the file size in bytes when it's over 2kb and in kb when it's over 2 meg is called being a fucktard. Don't do it. Yes, that means you FSF. (Obviously, using MB when you are over 1 gig is also retarded, but if you ever, ever expect someone to direct download a gig+ file, you should learn to read.)

No textures behind text. Common sense, people. Unless they are fantastically placid.

Never Change Your Users Settings. I like my browser window size. If you change it, you should die. Are we clear? It;s a bad, bad thing to do.

Don't leave it to chance. You images might have horrible white edges (called flash) but it doesn't matter, because your users will have white backgrounds, DUH! I don't need to specify a white background when i specify a dark colour of text, because the user will be using a white background! Guess what. I'm not. Owned. You site looks crap because you assumed I was using a white background. If it is necessary, specify.

Read all of your site the way it appears to users. Was that fun? Might give you ideas for changes, or validate your opinion, but do it. Now ask all your friends too. Collect many opinions. This is called Testing.

Use CSS, small filesizes, great flexibility. Embed CSS only when something appeas on only one page and so it;s a space saving.

Hand code. Always, always hand code. Yeah, I would say that. But try reading machine-generated HTML. Try VALIDATING it. Your web design program is Kate. Or notepad if you use windows.

Never use Microsoft software. Not frontpage, not word, hell, I'd even steer clear of windows. Okay, paint is a great program, and Notepad is okaaay... but other than that, no.

Ignore stupid standards. No embedded CSS? That's retarded. Suppose I have one page that requires an additional piece of positioning, the people on that page, should download that positioning code, no-one else. Just because it's a standard doesn't mean you need to listen. You have good reasons to violate it, Violate it! Violating things is fun!

You site should make noise ONLY on request. ONLY.

You site should stick to one window.

If you find yourself typing "frameset", cry.

No Stock. Stock is bad.

Okay, that was more than 5

Worst, Webdesign Book, EVER.

2007-09-09T09:41:00.001Z

Mastering Microsoft Frontpage. 976 pages. Presuming that's 6 publisher's pages, 70 blank pages and 900 content pages, the book should go like this:

Page 1:YOU.

Page 2:DON'T.

Page 3:DESERVE.

Page 4:TO.

Page 5:LIVE.

Page 6:(This means you dying, good thing happen, k?).

The next 890 pages should be filled with categorized, simplified, illustrated child and idiot friendly ways to kill yourself, the final 3 pages should be a list of numbers to dial if you fail terminating your you sorry excuse for a brain without adult supervision, with illustrated instructions on how to use a phone. My number is 07981096381, put it first on the list in the next revision, PLZ-K-THNX.

And we're not made of eachother how now?

2007-09-09T09:33:00.000Z

http://seikku.iki.fi/seikku/EnglishPaper.html

I sent this link to my Ex-boyfriend, now it's been generally accepted that our relationship worked because I'm an utterly masculine, gay girl and he's an utterly feminine, almost gay guy. Well, I sent him that link and criticized the dull writing of the woman, while he said, she had better writing skills, the man was a bitch etc... I continued to uphold my side.

We're so weird.

2007-09-08T12:40:00.000Z

M: So, behaving like a horney neko-mimi is not the way to a mans heart?
S: no.
M: why not?
S: *shrugs* Because a man's heart is in his chest, not between his legs? Although there's an artery at the groin that will kill just as efficiently...

My dog pwns you again!

2007-09-04T20:08:00.000Z

Today I saw a young mother with her child on a little leash. Not the harness ones more commonly seen, a wrist to wrist leash. Fair enough, I can totally understand a need to ensure your child stays close, and off the road. Condoned. I ALSO condone holding the little tyke's damned hand, but that was clearly impossible, because it was a tall woman and a small child, and she was also pushing a pushchair. Wanna know what made me mad? The leash was necessary. Not because the child might wander in front of a passing car or because there where crowds to loose her in. Because the child was a fucking out of control little brat. Okay, pretty young, but at least four. At the age of four your child should not kick things on their way home. And by things, I mean signs, people and litter, at least not multiple times. Your child should not try to pull away from you because you told it not to kick things that oughtn't be kicked (badly). I've forgotten what else she was doing, but this child would have been a terror if it wasn't on a leash. You know what's really, really, really funny? I've walked my dog up and down the same road. Without a leash. She was often a few steps ahead of me, and often a few behind, but she stuck with me, and if I put her on a lead, it was because I worried about traffic. My dog, is better trained than your child. My dog is younger and, hopefully, less intelligent than your child, and yet she is better behaved. Go me. Yes, biotch, you suck. And don't give me that crap about your child being more intelligent and thus more rebellious. The only reason your child would rebel against YOU, her MOTHER, is you're own failure; in discipline, earning respect and proportional punishment. (it's important that you don't over-punish your child, that's worse than the same amount of under-punishing, believe me, I've seen it).

Again, I sound like V. But I found myself thinking this, and I wanted to write it. So I can't complain. I wanted to write it mostly because of how funny it is my dog is better than some people's children.

Some woman who did lots of running for cancer and stuff died. Or something. I was utterly disgusted to hear someone saying she inspired other people with cancer to set goals. These where supported claims (asi, she said people told her this was how they felt) that the fact one woman with cancer did triathlons, prompted other encancered people to do stuff. Okay, here is the way it works.

You get up in the morning. You feel fine. You do whatever the fuck you want, whether or not you have cancer, because you feel fine.
You get up in the morning, you feel terrible. You lie down and do next to nothing because you don't feel very well. It does not matter if OTHER people run marathons with your condition. You don't feel well. Stay in bed. If you get up, it's because you know you can. Not because you know someone else with roughly the same problem can.

Please, nota bene, neither of those scenarios are affected by someone else doing something. At all. I'm sickened by people who either feel pressured into working when they are ill because this woman does it, or need someone else to get out of bed and run around the world to convince them that knowing you're dying is not enough to justify lying about like a fat slut. You have to feel like you are dying. Hello? Is this clear? Other people's grace and wonderfulness does not mean you have to be wonderful. You should never need to be reminded that when you feel well, you should get up and do something, recreational or careers based EVEN if you are going to die. I mean, i know I'm going to die some day, I still get up and draw. I am also not afraid to call in sick if I feel sick.

Book Mooch

2007-08-31T13:03:00.000Z

I received the book I wanted (Sea Dragon Heir, Storm Constantine) from Jester1470 on bookmooch. It's some-how made me very happy. Bookmooch owns. The whole world seems full of nice people with cool handwriting and so on.

And someone Looks jealous. I had this argument about book mooch, when someone said "why not just sell it on amazon or eBay? Funny. If I sell a book on amazon, I might get, what? A quid? That wouldn't even buy me p&p on another book. This way, (remember, books are fantastically expensive) for my book, I get a book. Pretty much all books are 5-6 quid or more. So, I get something of equal value. On top of that if I put 10 books for mooching*, and all of them are mooched, i can mooch 11 books. If on all of those books I give feedback, I get another book. 12/10. I win. Bookmooch is the coolest thing in the world. On top of that it feels pleasant and charitable, no money changes hands so you need no credit-card, pay-pal or similar (good, as I have none of those things). I'm just annoyed I took most of my books tot he charity shop now. Meh, at least they're out of my house.

*10 books offered gives you 1 point. 10 feedbacks gives you 1 point.

Hello?

2007-08-30T16:27:00.000Z

Never use a host with a slow loading home-page. I thought that was fucking obvious.

I mean, seriously? The best you can hope for is they didn't have enough faith in their own hosting to use it. And that's also not good.

The first rule of Stumble Apon...

2007-08-30T16:19:00.000Z

I know what you think I'm going to say, and yes, I love Fight Club, but seriously, I'm not a fucktard. And I'd be dead by now.

The first rule of Stumble Apon (it's an Firefox extension, if you don't already have it, get it. If you're not using Firefox, I recommend it.) is that whatever site you stumble apon, the page you get may be fucking hilarious, but the rest of the site will be shit.

It even works with Violent Acres. Except, for course, for me it was the other way round. I bought 25 bottles of nyqitil was funny and all, but Everything a girl could ever want? Way cool. However, if you want to read about someone buying a load of... look, thet don't sell it in my country, okay? V's personal problems are probably not calling out to you. But, her personal problems are better than your personal problems. Bitch.

Hey, you remind me of someone.

2007-08-30T15:04:00.000Z

If I ever say "hey, you remind me of someone" it's probably because I love you. I just had to stop myself from saying it to Kefka Nightingale in DWMUD (and, let's hope he's not reading this). It wouldn't be the first time. "you remind me of someone" over the internet is likely, You remind me of Jonni, who I fell desperately in love with, because he has a nice typing style on the internet. You talk like Jon. Go you.

MMO'd. And bookmooch.

2007-08-28T20:59:00.000Z

I spent over 7 hours on Discworld MUD (discworld.atuin.net 23 or 4242). Before that I was on book mooch. I've submitted 14 books to be mooched, and I've wish-listed 1 book, and requested another, (go on, guess what I requested. Guess. It begins with "sea" and ends in "heir".) I'm reading my book on PHP. I does take about 10 minutes a lesson. I'm on lesson 7.

Played on Gaia briefly, but I quit after Cinemas let me SIT NEXT TO MYSELF.

I can find stupidity anywhere.

2007-08-27T15:34:00.000Z

Someone kindly bought me two programming manuals from Waterstone's today. Some may know the Waterstone's carrier bags feature famous book-related quotes. On my bag it says "Their is no friend as loyal as a book". Well, yes. Books are inanimate. They aren't even mechanical. If you are one to make friends with inanimate objects, this statement is perfectly true, but would be better phrased as "There is no friend less capable of betraying you than a book". It's not true for me, as books betray me regularly, ever since Lee Scoresby died. (Yes, Lee Scoresby dies.) Well done Ernet Hemingway.

One of my books is called "Teach Yourself Games Programming". I got it not because I want to be able to program games but because unlike every person who has ever written a programming manual, I know SYNTAX DOES NOT COUNT FOR SHIT. I was relatively fluent in BASIC (Shut up, my family is rooted in BASIC) and I still needed help to make a program that essentially functioned as a Tamagotchi. Seriously, simplest program ever! In VISUAL BASIC! Why? Because no-one ever taught me to program. they taught me languages. Languages don't mean shit. I'm hoping this book will teach me how to make games. Because, games are programs. And I can absorb some of this programming skill. Anyway, if you;re learning from a book, you are not teaching yourself. You;re learning from a book. And it's impossible to teach yourself almost anything. What am I meant to do? Enter random words into an IDE and see what comes out? The "goal" is apparently "great gaming". No, the GOAL is to PROGRAM games. If you want great gaming, get a copy of Arcanum. Not a book on programming. You will never beat that game. Apparently they also do a book on BLOGGING. You can't LEARN to blog. If you can type in a comprehensible language, you can blog. You'll either have something interesting to say, or not. If you even try to get a book to teach you this, it's a not. I also quite like the "why not try flash 8". Because Flash is for pussies. There are three things flash is good for. Flash animations, extremely simple games beatable in a few minutes you'll never want to play again. Neither of those is relevant to someone who, according to the into "Wants a sustained career (guys, this means MONEY, not an option in flash) in game development." There's no money in flash because so few people are stupid enough to pay for something written in flash. Which is for pussies. Why not learn to program like a real man? (Again, there is only one programming language that's actually useful nowadays, C. It's portable, compiled, efficient and GUI capable. If anyone can tell me of another language that fits that, I'm interested. (Not Java, Java is ALSO for pussies) It;s about time someone DID replace C, because it fucking sucks. No-one will teach me C. All the books I have on C start out by telling me how much C sucks, and move on to telling me why. Then they have an appendix on syntax. I couldn't even work out how to make a character array.) Visual Basic is a contender, because it;s uh, visual. And visual is synonymous with "Not going to fuck your ass every time you try to make a GUI." And that's IMPORTANT. Very, very, very important. Because "No GUI" is synonymous with "almost useless". Seriously, imagine the GIMP had no GUI. Useless. Imagine my IM program with no GUI. Useless. VB falls down in that it's not portable. Which means all your Visual Basic programs are only of use to people who use Windows. Commonly known as "Laymen".

The other book I got was PHP in 10 minutes. Each lesson is 10 minutes. there is more than one lesson. SAMS Teach Yourself (also not teaching yourself) are retarded! On the back it claims you can use PHP to "Make your web-pages Dynamic" and a a load of other stuff... all of which is uh, making your page dynamic. In fact, the third item down is "make HTML pages dynamically". Uh.... Yeah. And what is "PEAR"? Like LAMP but darker? Or, a WINDOWS version of LAMP! (Lamp= Linux, Apache, MySQL, PHP, theoretically everything you need on a web-server.) It could be... Pile-of-crapOS, Ediot-user, a-fuckload-of-RAM, rectum. Everything you need to turn your computer on! (idiot is a person stupid enough to spell idiot with an e, and use windows, the fuckload of ram is to waste your money on stuff you wouldn't need in Linux, and the rectum is to get fucked daily from the second you sign the license agreement). Inside the book it sais yu do not, and will not need to know HTML. Dude, if you are not already hand-coding HTML, you don't DESERVE PHP. And you'll never get t anyway. I hand-code HTML CSS and JS for my pages (except JS, because the only real use for JS in my field is displaying the time. I trust my users to be able to LOOK AT THE FUCKING SYSTEM CLOCK) (BTW, There are little links at the top of my blog-editor that put links, bold, etc in for me. I never use them, because I'm so cool, I can type "a" and "b" and triangular brackets myself. Atashi wa oki na shojou da.)

I'm very enthusiastic about my new books. I'm just practicing my cynicism.

Showoff.

2007-08-26T19:50:00.000Z

I just got refused service for a site because I had my user agent set to Googglebot, when I am, in fact, not Googlebot. (I can prove it too, send me a capatcha). I mean... what the fuck? I use Googlebot to get into porn sites, and I get REJECTED from Zombie-Attack-prevention-Sites!

Fair trade.

The Offending Site I'm not sure what it is, because after switching my user agent to Ask Jeeves spider, I decided it was too boring to read. Yes, I'm allowed to pretend to be Ask Jeeves.

Clutter to declutter.

2007-08-26T19:34:00.000Z

Take everything you think you could possibly, ever, ever need with you, every time you go on holiday. Then, only take things out of your suitcase when you need them. When you've been home two weeks, anything still in your suitcase was not only unnecessary on holiday, but is unnecessary in real life. Throw it away.

Works for me.

Cans.

2007-08-26T19:16:00.000Z

My mum told me to clean up my room, and I told her I was actually investing in Aluminium, attempting to increase the market value through deflation by keeping a large quantity of it in my room.

I have 25 coke cans. I'm so used to them I stopped noticing they were there.

I could pick up 23 of them without leaving my computer-chair.

I cleaned out all my Coke Cans last month.

I hate myself.

(I do have 12 empty water bottles, and they hold 1 liter each, just over 3 times that of a coke can. Same age. I win)

Love is not happiness

2007-08-26T18:36:00.000Z

I know for a fact that love does not necessarily make happiness. Simply because of how willing I am to be unhappy to be with the one I love.

Love is not happiness, love is a willingness to be unhappy for someone else.

2007-08-26T18:27:00.000Z

"A luxury, once enjoyed, quickly becomes a necessity." -Bill O'Neill

I think that was my point yesterday. See other people think so too.

Another point is in your head it only takes one person to agree with you to make it right.

Both.

2007-08-26T14:33:00.000Z

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." -George Bernard Shaw

So, when I learn to make a toaster out of metal, is the metal adapting to be able to make toast, or am I adapting to make toast with metal?

Just curios.

To love and to lose... stinks.

2007-08-24T22:50:00.000Z

It is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all

Bullshit

Hello. I'd like you to live without money, in a house you built yourself. From twigs and mud. Pick, grow and cultivate your own food, without electricity, ever. No running water. Open fires. When you family gets sick, you will chant and wave sticks. They'll probably die or something.
Why are you not looking enthusiastic?

Now, people used to live like that. They may strive to improve their lives, but that did not seem like hell to them. They would enjoy that situation much more than you would. No plasma TVs. OMFG.

You do not what what you've never had, anything like as strongly as what you already miss. It is better to be happy. It is better to never love.

I;m not saying you should never love I'm saying ultimately, you should love without losing.

Believe you can change your beliefs if you only believed you could, and you can!

2007-08-24T21:57:00.001Z

Or, what I hated most strongly this morning...

People Don't Believe anymore.

People believe so little, they don't believe I believe in Faeries. I don't understand why anyone finds this hard to believe. You think I'm so out of control of my own mind the fact I've never seen one (people won't believe I have seen one, so...) would stop me from holding a belief that 1) Makes me happier. 2) Does not hurt me or others around me, through prejudice or restrictions, ever? I'm hurt.

Everyone I know is either an Atheist, a fake Christian, or a devout follower of SOMEONE ELSE'S BELIEFS. Organised religion folks? You are people so stupid and worthless you can't have your own beliefs. What you think is decided by someone else. That's called extreme brainwashing oppression. No-one in my religion tells me what to believe, or what to do. No Wiccan will tell me I should sleep with men. No Wiccan will tell me I should sleep with men, when I'm married to them. Etc. If I think i should sleep with women, I will. And that;s what I think. So I will. No-one can make me feel bad about that choice, no one can make me think that's wrong. I am in control of my own though. Thought is powerful. Control your though, all on your own. Get what you want. Do what you want. Be what you want. You wanna be a hairdresser working Sundays? You DO THAT.

But what's with all the Atheism? Who do you guys talk to? How does it feel to be someone who has to touch something? ave you ever SEEN love? It's there.

I do believe in faeries. Ask again, why shouldn't I?

Are you a Raw Foodist? Like hell! I'm a juicearian!

2007-08-24T21:41:00.000Z

Is there just one type of living/raw foodist?

There are many subcategories of living/raw foodists. Some include:

Fruitarian - People who consume mostly fruits.
Sproutarian - People who consume mostly sprouts.
Juicearian - People who consume mostly fresh juice.

Bitch, quit making up words. Tell people you like fruit. Tell people you live entirely on miniature cabbage. Say you drink a lot of juice. Don't you DARE call yourself a juicearian. And, don't you dare call yourself a raw foodist. I like to eat things raw. Quit making a noun for everything! And if you do, a cool Latin/Greek derived noun like "library" or "human" is good. Not some trawled shite like foodist. Storm Constantine can do this. "Priestess of the Peacock Angel" Peacockangelist? NO! Pavoniata! Suck on THAT! No-one would ask this question. This is an attempt of the author to weave in her cleverness at creating words.

What is the difference between a raw/living foods diet and a vegetarian one?

Vegetarians and vegans believe in only eating a plant based diet. Living and Raw Foodists believe in eating only an UNCOOKED, UNHEATED, UNPROCESSED and ORGANIC plant based diet.

I'm a vegetarian. I'm personally insulted by the statement that as a vegetarian I believe only eating a plant based diet exists. Because it doesn't make sense. Hence previous rant. Don;t get me started on the UNCOOKED! UNHEATED! UNPROCESSED! ORGASMIC! energy of her fanaticism. A better answer to this question would have been "The rawness. Idiot." No-one is stupid enough to ask this question.

Living Foods Didn't make me clever dot com

I think I just turned into V. Even assuming this person was a woman. But then... could you believe this was a man writing this nonsense?

I'm not thinking the mica out of the raw food thing. I think that's a great idea (read: Woo, now I can just eat stuff out of the packet! With an excuse!) I'm hating this person. Personally.

I believe in not making sense!

2007-08-24T21:34:00.000Z

You want to know what REALLY annoys me? Really, above almost anything else you can say to me? Asking if I believe in something, with a verb. "Do you believe in faeries?" is perfectly legitimate. Faeries is a noun. "Do you believe in eating meat?" is the EPITOME of bad grammar. Seriously. It doesn't make sense. It DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Seriously, that sentence makes me weep with asperger's sydrome! It's absolute nonsense, and the next time someone says something like that, my reply will be a simple: Error, invalid argument; verb, expected noun. If you have an issue with that, go fuck yourself anally with the remnants of your primary-school education. It won't hurt.

"Do you believe it is morally inccorect to eat meat?"
"No, I just don't like the taste."
"Oh.". Why do people think I'm MILITANT just because I'm a vegetarian? MEAT TASTES LIKE MEAT. (I couldn't think of anything tasting worse than meat, without resorting to the glib and contrite "shit")

Owch

2007-08-24T17:50:00.000Z

I love the fact I'm so out of tune with myself; I've been crying all day, I've looked at every stumble and said I'll read it later. Every, single object I picked up I put down like it burned me, I haven't eaten all day and when I tried to, I found wasn't hungry, I can;t play computer games, I couldn't get out of bed, I've had trouble lying around doing nothing. I only just realised I was sad. I was convinced I wasn't sad. but... I can't do anything.

Pretentious FFB needs own emo blog.

2007-08-23T22:22:00.000Z

Pretentious FF is very sad. Pretentious FFB needs something she doesn't have. Pretentious FFB is sad. Pretentious FFB feels bad. Pretentious FFB feels ill. Pretentious FFB can't sleep. Pretentious FFB feels all alone. Pretentious FFB doesn't like to be alone.

Rich people are stupid.

2007-08-20T12:12:00.000Z

How many times has a rich person said the words "I wish I wasn't so rich". I mean, seriously. We all know Bill Gates is stupid, because of the shittiness of his software. (By design, not bugs). But other people must also with it too. Being rich is strictly optional. At no point does anyone ever, ever try to stop you from giving all your money to charity. Or Walk up and down the streets of London giving a tenner to every beggar you see. In fact, if you donated to every charity that accosts you on the main road where I live, you'd be broke instantly. Seriously, No-on in the world has any excuse to complain about something so easily changed. And, no only are you not hurting anyone by changing it, you're actually HELPING people. I mean, the guy who founded dominoes wished he wasn't so rich, and GUESS WHAT? Now he's NOT. He wanted something, he got it. And there are lots of little catholic children attaining a more exciting brand of molestation for it. Yay. It's been proven, you CAN be poor, very, very, very easily. For example, Bill, why not use your own operating system to do online banking? Instant poverty! Or, alternatively, you could make windows so that you could do online banking using it without everyone in the universe being able thus to order things with your credit card. It would cut into your profit margin, make you poorer, wilst making the world more user friendly for people of your intellectual caliber (but no lower, or they'd be using macs. Or eating carpet fluff and banging and rocking)(And no higher, or they'd be on Linux by now). Or, you could change your hobby from "Screwing over as many innocent people in an hour as I can" to bathing in powdered safron. Quit whining, idiot.

Imaac suucks.

2007-08-18T10:38:00.000Z

I know, if you ask me, a lot of things suck, but having just tried "Veet" I can tell you not to. Seriously, no amount of hairlessness is worth it. (I personally keep almost all of my body hair attached to my body, so i would think that.) imac will get you dumped and stop firends coming to your house. Guaranteed.

I mean, the clean up job is horrible. Have you ever tried to clean up partially dissolved hair-coated slime off every surface in your bathroom? Well, better start practicing. It must be nice to go into your friend's bathroom and see little hairs in toxic soup screaming "help meee! Help-meee!" in a little Benji-mouse voice.

Much worse than that is the smell. Don;t leave it on for over 6 minutes? Dude, I would have passed OUT after 6 minutes. It smells like cum. No, it smells like a special non-homogeneous blend of 5 parts cum to 1 part soy-sauce to 2 parts yakult gently fermented on authentic charcoal fires in the middle of the London sewer system. Hell, it LOOKS like that! If I was still working at that lab I;d ask them for the HPLC results for it, placed against a standard of averaged jizz. In meth. In fact, you may recognise the smell from that time you walked past a cheap whore walking home, with a limp after a long days work on a hot afternoon. Or last time you where in London. Anyway, The smell sticks. Washing your hands with soap repeatedly and spraying them with perfume and applying talc won;t get rid of it. And you can;t even do that to the area you applied it to. I mean, you'll go see your boyfriend, he'll dump you INSTANTLY because YOU SMELL LIKE CHEAP SEX. Same goes fr a girlfriend, as not only she, but everyone else who sees you will think you've been smearing men with soy sauce and licking it off. Men, Veet makes you smell like a kinky gay. Women, Veet makes you smell like a cheap whore. Veet makes me smell like a Japanese heterosexual on the way to the bath house. It's NASTY STUFF.

This reveiw is not sponsered by Reckitt Benckiser, and reflects only the opinions of the speaker(s). Wait... Reck it - Ben Kisser? Are they THREATENING me?

Also, another product that suckz... Imacs. Computers for retarded four year olds. The real way to deal with dropping your child on the head? Get an imac. Your child has AS? Get Linux.

I hate Chistians. Christians hate me.

2007-08-16T09:45:00.000Z

Anyone here a Christian? you'd probably be offended if I said Christianity stank, right? Yeah, fair enough, but you can't ask me to respect the fact your a Christian. You can never ask for a favor, my friendship or my respect. Because you won;t give me any of those things. But that;s not the purpose of this rant. The point is, you might be thinking, as a Christian you would happily be my friend, lend me a hand and respect my choices and personality. But you;d be wrong. I think some people don't realise this. When you say, "I'm a Christian" what you are saying to me is synonymous with "I hate you. And your Mum. And your Dad. And your Brother. And your boyfriend. And your best friend. And, actually, I hate most of the people you know. I'd actually like to see them die. And I'm not that bright.". If that's what you're trying to say... nice contraction.

No, you don't believe me? As a Christian, you believe everything the bible says, right? You worship an evil god who Happily lets a crazy man kill thousands, and thousands of tiny infants so long as his son is fine, and then preaches that all people should take care of each other. Now, letting people die of natural causes is fair enough, it's free will... but your god, supposedly, actually caused their deaths in the first place, and did nothing about it. Except save HIS son, of course. It does not matter if it's allegorical. That;s still, sick, twisted behavior. Oh, all the first born sons in Egypt? that's WORSE. And don;t expect me to believe Noah and his sons where the only nice people in the entire world. God was just too lazy to find the others. You;re being constantly told to love your fellow man, so long as he doesn't love men. Then burn or stone him, whichever is fastest. It doesn't matter if it's allegorical, It's still saying that. If you don;t believe all gay people and anyone who works on Sundays etc. should die... you;re not a Christian. As no-one has stepped forward and re-written the bible to re-define the boundaries of what it means to be a Christian, being a Christian still involves burning people. And then not killing them. The bible is also so inconsistent you'd have to be an idiot to believe it. And no believing the bible makes you not a Christian. Don;t worry, you can still be a nice person, and believe in Jesus etc, you're just not obligated to be a two-faced asshole who's too scared of going to hell to notice.

I can be as prejudiced against you as I like. You want to burn me.

Blog? Fuck yes!

2007-08-13T11:19:00.000Z

This morning I got up, and sat around for a while. Then I made some content for my site, and fixed the internet. I marked up some poetry for the website of a friend I'm making. Then i had an identity crisis over how crap my drawing skills are.

Honestly.

What does blog mean? I'll tell you what it means. No, it doesn't mean ANYTHING. A words meaning is what almost all people think it means. "QED" Does not mean "thus t is proven" It mean "I told you so". "Goth" has no meaning. What's a Goth? There are a thousand definitions. I cna no-longer say I'm a goth, because SOMEONE will go "Ewww... she cuts up cats...". Well, Violent Acres is a Blog. The Best page in the Universe is a Blog. Tomato Soup is a blog. Yes, I just called the Best page in the Universe a blog. Blogs have people's opinions, their thoughts and occasionally relevant and interesting events. Or, they're list a load of pointless crap that happened to the user. "I bumped into my friend Trisha and I haven't seen her for years..." Online Diary. "Why the fuck do we not all know HTML already?" Personal page. Mine is a personal page. If I find out something incredible everyone should know, I'll blog about it. If my cat coughs up a mouse, I won't. If I wake up at four in the morning and the sky is beautiful, that's a judgment call. But now I know what's wrong with blogs. Same as what's wrong with Goths... the word no longer has meaning. People will hate it, because they have seen crap called a blog. I don't think my blog is crap (obviously) I try to make it amusing, informative or short. Some people DO want to know about how I now have bluetooth and what I drank today. I've found a perfect way of deciding whether something is interesting enough to be blogged. If I find it interesting enough to write about it.

Blog -it's not relevant to any of my other websites.

Meme rant

2007-08-12T17:27:00.000Z

MEME: Stands for "Desperate attempt to categorize yourself based on a group of often irrelevant questions, by choosing poorly thought out options which rarely encompass all possibly views, likely so you can show off if you win a decent personality, criticize the creator whilst trying to look more intelligent than them if you don't find it representative, and/or bomb around the internet trying to find other people with the same or similar scores to declare your soulmate and bum about with for a while annoying people holier than thou." In Latin.

Someone asked what meme stood for. The worst meme I've ever seen attempted to determine how "Goth" I was. Gothic enough to know that Goth is fucking NOUN. The absolute peak of it's failure came when it asked me who my hero was. And gave names. I chose Andrew Eldritch. Partly because I respect Andrew, I think he's intelligent, frank and genuine. And he uses the same Operating System as me. But, mostly because I had no damned idea who any of the others where. . My hero is Linus. And what would I bring with me to a graveyard? I live in a fucking VICARAGE. I don't HAVE to bring stuff to the local graveyard. I can throw it there beforehand. If I ever decided to kill myself I could JUMP INTO AN OPEN GRAVE FROM MY WINDOW. And as if I would go to Christian land. I don't even intend to be BURIED in a graveyard. Even overlooking this, my actual choice (sketchbook and pencil) NOT LISTED. So, this test attempts to decide what kind of Goth you are, but the questions FLAUNT the opinion that all Goths are the same. Goth's aren't even SIMILAR. I'm mainly hippy FGS. The best meme ever is "Which Final Fantasy Character Are You?". Partly because you can almost always find an option which suits your mentality, but mostly because they gave me Sephiroth and Kuja. The other problem with memes... "which Angel are you most like?" I DON'T CARE. Find me an "Are you really Gay?" or "Where do you come on the Autistic Spectrum" meme. I'll take that happily. Or I could make some of my own. "Which of the Sisters of Mercy are YOU most likely to get sniffing up your leg in a hip party in the middle of Berlin?", "What kind of MAILMAN would you make?", "What kind of GOTH should you avoid most?". The Great thing is the same answer works for EVERYONE!

Blogger stinks.

2007-08-12T16:22:00.000Z

I HATE this layout, ickle text in long, thin frames. On top of that it's so badly written as to be UNFIXABLE. I wanna make my own DECENT blog-page...

Alphabetti Spaghetti

2007-08-12T15:49:00.000Z

There is a time and a place for alphabetti spaghetti.

I have a bag of Alphabet pasta I recently got from the health-food shop (which sells mostly sugary crap). I love it. Call me childish (if you haven't already) but it's FUN and COOL. I put it in soups, I have it on it's own. If I could think of anything else I could do with it, I would do it. Now, I am one of the few people who like Instant coffee better than real coffee. My instant coffee is somewhat complicated. I have a spoon of cafine coffee. a spoon of decaf. A spoon of hot chocolate, half a spoon of sugar. I like to experiment and if I can think of anything else to putin it, I'll give it a try.

See where this is going?

Incidentally, hot coffee is not enough to cook pasta without constant heating.

Violent Acres

2007-08-11T19:30:00.000Z

I really love Violent Acres. I even learned how to spell acres (I thought there was a h...) I mean, i really love it. Today, I was supposed to go out and do stuff? I spent SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS doing almost nothing but reading VA.

*Ads that mention me, while also hinting towards mild lesbianism, are getting 5 times the traffic of the catchphrase writers and almost triple the clicks as the ‘I Support Violent Acres’ guy. In other words, ‘The Girl Who’ is creaming the competition over there.
I find this fascinating.
Does this mean I have a secret underground fan base of hot lesbians who, like, totally want to do me? If so, I find the entire concept oddly titillating. But be warned ladies: I’m a biter. And a hair puller. And during the act, I just may refer to you as my little slut. I hope that’s cool.

... She's on to me. And, yeah, totally cool.
I'm now going to sit around self-absorbedly for a while, introspecting over whether I wanted her to see that statement... or not. That's pretty sad, but I can feel it coming. When I've done that I'll probably start fantasizing about it. Either way, this should be my last post of the night. Finally. I will try and fix the CSS of this a bit though.

I need a blog.

2007-08-11T18:55:00.000Z

No, seriously. I need a blog. To live. Users of Mako Green May have noticed I'm posting NEUROTIC RUBBISH. And I can feel myself needing to do so, more and more often. So, what the hell, I'll just pour all my crap into Obsession Red! It took me a while to find it but... I win! The great thing is not having posted on this blog since I me him, Ben probably doesn't know it exists! ... and you guys probably don't know who Ben is (speaking figuratively, I;m aware I have no readers. I use "you guys" when talking to myself . Simple equation! Ben = Bad thing. Sort of... I mean... I love him and all but I didn't need a blog before I met him. I just wanted one. The reason I stopped posting in my blog after I met him was at the time my life was a darkly clandestine affair. Nothing I thought was publicly viewable. Now it;s just not interesting Still, if I thought it was interesting, I'd've made a website for it already. You know it's easier to build your own site and get it onto a free host than to put a custom skin on this thing. Anyway, I will pathetically post again in about four minuets.

sobbing

2006-11-01T20:04:00.000Z

I'm a melodramatic weirdo and my posts are all incredibly frantic and catastrophicaly unstructired, I have issues with all but the most menial words with a reasonable ammount of sylables, I use WAY too many modifiers, and words in general and
I WANT DIRGE OF CERBERUS YOU STUPID LITTLE NON-PS2 OWNING NOOB!

Seriously, I need it.

WAIt...... Lucre.... Oh. I don't want it that much. Just slightly more than I want a ps2. That could cause problems, but so long as I get both, I'm happy, and so long as I'm happy, you're safe. I want Happyfairy forum ownage again.... *cries*. I want to see Sarah again *cries*. I want FFVIID *cries* This could go on for quite some time, you can leave now *cries*.

2006-11-01T19:52:00.000Z

I had something pleasant and soulfull to say about halloween and how happy I am and how I'm a nice person whos' mellow and nice and never looses their temper or shouts.... but I forgot it while I was screaming at opera for being so DAMN SLOW! Firefox is in one of it's "IF you don't update me, I'm going to eat your face" moods, and hell. if you think I'm going to use IE7 you're on the wrong blog.

Sheesh, it's been a while, ne? I'm on disc 3 of FFIX, and I've seen the Dirge of Cerberus trailer about fourty billion zillion times now.,... I want it so bad, I wake up chanting "I can wait till christmas". Still, seeing as my favorite chracter's mother is played by the mother of all the South Park peeps... what does that imply about Sephiroth? I have this feeling wing ownage is comming up. Still, I've seen all the cinematics and read the FFWA gamescript, so no suprises due. |He looks sexy in FFVIIC.

I had a point... it might have been squealing about how I have a girlfriend or it might have been squealing about how I did spells without getting a headache, or complaing about the fact I totaly forgot I had a blog. I havn't been on hapfairy for an age either... that sucks! I'm so hectic.

Weeps inconsolably

2006-08-27T19:18:00.000Z

Well, on the 17th of august I got back from holiday and completed FFVII, yeah, completed it. *Sobs*. Why the delay? Lazyness, "My life has no purpose now", remorse, a need to spend all day looking for yaoi. Is that okay? E-mail's a little bit behind too... I pathologicaly NEED either FFIX or possibly FFIIX. On the plus side, My tablet is working and I am capable of creating wonderfull pictures of Sephiroth's left eye without scanning. That's pretty much it, but I'm also rendering... it's not going tooooo bad acctualy, an improvement on how the picture looked before. Wait... There it is! An EYE! I quite like it, Esp. since I did it in the vastly inferior PSP... as opposed to my beloved but confusing and anal Photoshop or the ultimate but crap at filters GIMP... little ahead of paint, but one can only try.