your excuse to live like a slob

In theory, if you eat healthily and exercise more, you'll live longer, right? Let's think about it.

I'm a slightly overweight, generally unfit 20 year-old. Were I to exercise for an additional hour a day, stop eating happy hippos and prepare all my meals from scratch utilizing lots of pleasant vegetable ingredients, I'd live longer. (none of that is true, mind-I'm a terminally unfit size American 2.)

So, if I do the healthy thing, and live to 80 instead of 70, I win, EXCEPT: 18262.5. That's the number of hours I've spent in the gym. (50x365.25). I'd need to gain just over 2 years to make that up. Fair enough. What about the cooking? Probably twice as long, two meals a day (Few people crack open a pot noodle for breakfast anyway.) That makes it 6 years. Now, take into account the amount by which the quality of your life was decreased by never eating a happy hippo. If someone told me right now that every happy hippo I ate made my life half an hour shorter I'd consider it a fair trade. It only takes me three minutes to eat a happy hippo, but those three minutes are worth more to me than ten times as long without a happy hippo. So, the time you spent exercising will have made your life less fun. The time you spent making food, less fun. The times you got home and felt like you could achieve less because of how tired you were. Now, think about how you will feel being old. Worn out, lots of arthritis from the exercise, poor because you spent all your money on gym memberships and healthy food and likely alone because you got home too tired/late to have sex/go out on the pull, let alone raise children. These years are not worth as much as the 6 years you spent getting them, are they? Gotta be worth half as much, perhaps? Perhaps less. I could go on with finances, and how wasting that much time would impact your academic well-being and thus the job you do. I'm not saying you shouldn't live healthily. I'm just saying you should do it because you want to make your life NOW better, not because you want to live longer. I'm also saying: dont listen to the shit people tell you. Scientists say eating bran flakes will make you live longer? Even if it does, does that mean anything to you?

And, Galaxy. That shit about the shape of a piece of chocolate affecting it's taste. Nonsense. So far the closest I've got to "Man, this new shape makes the chocolate taste noticeably better!" is "Man, this new shape feels really awkward in my mouth. I fucking hate galaxy." It's annoying enough to make me stop eating galaxy. I love everything made by kinder except the kinder surprise. Happy hippos are like my cosmic weakness. Maxi are sooo lovely... This is not in affiliation with the kinder company. While I'm on the road... Thornton's chocolates taste dissssssssgusting. They take ancient recepies for the most lovely chocolates invented and fuck them up. Their coffee house is shit too. They managed to make COFFEE taste bad. The chocolate that came free with the coffee was alright though.